My Worship Deserves Criticism (but not by you!)

First of all, to my knowledge, no one has ever criticized my worship.  Well… except for that one time in church I played the djembe for a changed up, acoustic version of “’Tis So Sweet”.  It was a powerful song that night, and mostly well received.  The response from one, however, was… not so sweet.  How did he put it?  Oh yeah, “I don’t think we need that jungle music here.”  Awesome.  Note to self - God apparently doesn’t like “jungle music”.  And, I suppose I’ll never play the djembe again.

Other than that, no one has ever criticized my worship.  Oh, wait… there’s me.  I’m self critical of my own expressions of worship in a corporate setting ALL THE TIME.  I never seem to feel completely comfortable doing what I think I should do to express myself.  In my car, no problem.  Out on a run, easy.  Even in my office with people nearby I have no difficulty expressing various forms of worship.  In church, though?  I… am… disastrous.

I’ve been in hundreds thousands of worship services.  A man my age, growing up in church, and in my profession for as long as I have been doing it has absolutely been a part of thousands of worship services.  Over the years, I’ve heard worship leaders instruct me to feel free to express myself however I feel led to do so.  I almost never do.  

Examples of raising hands or clapping are often given.  Jokes about the bible saying “make a joyful noise” [with an emphasis on noise] are often made.  Coming to the altar to kneel, or laying prostrate in the floor have also been suggested as expressions of worship.

I have been in environments where each of those has occurred separately, and sometimes in the same service.  It is a beautiful thing, and I love it.  Freedom to worship, and freedom in worship are fantastic contexts.  It helps bring to life scriptures like “I was glad when they said to me, ‘let us go to the house of the Lord’”.  

But, I generally talk myself out of my own expressions of worship.  Most of the time, I’m never quite able to execute what I think I ought to do in any given moment of church worship.  I’ll often worry about wonder what people are thinking, which then leads me to question my motives, which then leads to me being driven by my assumptions of what others think, which then quenches the Spirit.

I want to express myself accordingly to help others see that they can be free to do so.  You know, set an example and all.  Of course, it doesn't help that there is usually some kind of cartoon floating around christian circles that pokes fun at the the different ways people present themselves or lift their hands in worship.  

Sometimes I may not desire to express myself in a noticeable way; then I start worrying that people think I don’t care anything about worship at all.  Both lead me to question my motives, and my heart of worship in that particular moment.  At that point I am worshipping at the altar of pride, misunderstanding and my assumptions that others even concern themselves with how I worship in the first place.  It really is ridiculous.  My mind is pharisaical sometimes, I’ll admit it.

The truth is I have finally come to terms with my most appropriate form of worship.  Though I feel caught off guard in my discovery, it sums up my worship perfectly - I’m the quiet reflective type.  It seems oxymoronic for me considering my free spirited personality.  

The times I have been most comfortable in worship are times when I sit quietly, surrounded by singing, immersed in the instrumentation, face buried in my hands, and closing out all other distraction but my creator.  Most of the time those have been times and environments of anonymity for me.  It has been then that I have worshiped authentically; simply reflective and pensive.

I think the reason I have not nailed this down until now is because it strikingly contrasts with who I am in everyday life.  In daily life, I’m kinetic, boisterous, full of energy, and sometimes loud.  I have a flare for the dramatic, find humor in almost everything, and am laced with sarcasm.  But when I worship, I am deeply reflective and quiet.  I simply like to dwell upon the God who loves and saved me.  I love to reflect upon His goodness and benefits.  It makes me misty eyed almost every time.  I want to be repentant, thankful, and praiseful.

I have spent too many years feeling bad about not realizing the nature of my discomfort.  It’s because I haven’t actually been following the instructions of worship leaders when I’m around others I know.  In reality, and more importantly, I haven’t actually followed the leading of the Spirit in my worship.  I haven’t been “myself” in my worship most of the time, and I have drawn the fire of my own self-criticism as a result.  Today I say "no more".  Today, I will stop criticizing my own worship.  Today I will remove reason to criticize.  Today, I will repent and dismiss my pride.  Today, I will free my sprit.  Now… where did I leave that djembe?

My Appreciation for My Pastors

There are so many “appreciation” days on the calendar that I have lost count.  A quick internet search reveals an enormous number of “appreciation days”.  Enormous is relative considering there are only 365 assignable days in any given year.  Next year holds the 29th of February.  Is that Leap Year Appreciation Day?  I don’t know, I haven’t checked.

There is Mole Appreciation Day; the animal, not the saboteur.  Weed Appreciation day; the garden nuisance, not the marijuana plant.  I’m sure there is a day for the other as well.  As long as I’m referencing mind-benders, there is Beer Can Appreciation Day - just the can, not the contents, on that day.  Believe it or not, there is Root Canal Appreciation Day, but the last date of that on record was in 2014.  Somebody wised up that that was a stupid day, I guess.  On a related note, there is also Virus Appreciation Day, and it’s still around.

What about people appreciations?  We all know about Administrative Assistant’s Day... and Boss's Day. There’s Mother’s, Father’s, and Grandparent’s days.  I discovered over the last few years there is a Sibling Appreciation Day.  There is also Waiter’s Appreciation Day - isn't that what my gratuity does?  There is Military Spouse Appreciation Day.  Couples Appreciation has a whole month, which I find strange.  I always thought their day was in February.  Speaking of… there is Wife Appreciation Day.  One would think that would be one’s anniversary.  Not so, it has it’s own day.  Here are a few more:

• Building and Code Staff Appreciation Day
• Ancestor Appreciation Day [How do they even know?  What’s the point?]
• Operating Room Nurse Day AND Emergency Room Nurse Day [Apparently neither are to be confused with regular Nurses Day.]
• Love Your Lawyer Day
• Hug Your Boss Day [Okay, so… um… couldn’t this mean lawsuits and such for people? Never mind, my boss is God, right?]

My “under-boss” is my Pastor, and October is Pastor Appreciation Month.  Because I'm also a "pastor", all month long I personally have experienced the thoughtful expressions from folks demonstrating their love and appreciation.  It is a sweet thing.  This has also made me reflect upon how much I appreciate the leadership staff with whom I work.  Dude, they are awesome!  

My Senior Pastor is one of the smartest and spiritually sensitive Pastors I’ve known.  His variety of ministry experience has equipped him for everything we do as a staff and church.  I appreciate that every staff meeting holds not only fantastic pastoral leadership, but also great, workshop style exercises, instruction, and application.  I see in his face his love for us as a team.  I experience first hand his desire to shepherd us himself with intentionality, and teach us to shepherd the flock at large.  His sensitivity to the Holy Spirit is ever present and his resolve to do the work God inspires me to be a better servant and leader myself.

My Discipleship & Missions Pastor has a heart for missions and outreach that is second to none.  I love the passion that flows from his voice as he talks of people being better versions of themselves and a better version of the church.  He communicates well the vision of seeing the church as God sees it.  There is no question that he wants to see the church “be the church”.  He’s also a strategist.  I love that I can walk into his office with an idea, vision, plan, or dream and the first thing he naturally does is see all the ins and outs of it’s realization.  He quickly sees all around a plan and has immediate advice and suggestions.

My Students and Young Adults Pastor is a guy who makes me smile every time I think about his ministry.  I smile because I am a direct recipient of his work.  I watch and experience the way he runs his ministry and am thankful every day for the impact he has on my oldest son.  I watch as students shine with spiritual maturity that clearly comes from a learned submission to the Holy Spirit.  I attribute much of that growth to the impact of his ministry - he sets a good example.  I also love to hear him preach.  Never have I come away confused about his message or unclear about his points.  I also never come away without having had a great laugh.  He’s a natural at wrapping perfectly timed humor in all he does publicly which makes him endeared by all.

Our other team member isn’t technically one of my pastors, but the value she brings to our team is immeasurable.  I see her serve others daily through her ministry.  She is great at mentoring young, fresh minds toward the ministry of what she does in tech, media, and music.  I love that it’s not just a job for her but truly embraced as a ministry that reaches more people for the the Kingdom of God.  She also knows how to pull out all the stops to make everything we do look greater than any of us could do on our own.  I always need a notebook when I talk with her because at any moment a simple discussion about the mundane can turn into a huge creative, brainstorming session.  I speculate she probably brings out the best in ALL of us, but I know she does of me.

Ultimately, we make up a team that functions well together and only gets better doing so.  We laugh together.  We pray together.  We dine together.  We group text together.  We happily work together.  As we continue discovering all the ways our individual cogs turn and interact, we become a squeak-less, well oiled machine.  The synergy we have has long begun to blaze, and is becoming glaringly evident to others.  I am appreciative of every single person on our ministry team and count myself undeservingly blessed to learn from each of them.

On this Pastor Appreciation Month, I could not be more appreciative of a single group of people than I am of these I serve with each week.  They are amazing.  If you haven't got a reason to tell them so, you simply haven’t spent enough time getting to know them, and that is most certainly your loss.

These people are my pastors, my colleagues, and my friends.

Rules for Dating My Children

From time to time I see posts and shares on social media with the title “Rules for Dating My Son or daughter”.  I have both sons and daughters and I have scanned such rules as they scroll by.  There are plenty of variations out there to include T-shirts, posters, window stickers, and magnets.  I saw one artistically etched on stained wood, and there is the typical coffee mug option as well.  Shy of seeing the list fashioned in old-school cross-stitch, I think I’ve seen all the presentations available.  

The rules are meant to be pointed and of course humorous.  They include such things as:

• Understand that I don’t like you, and never will.
• More clothes equals more points.
• I don’t mind going back to jail.
• My son is not an ATM.

I've included my personal favorite.

Obviously, rules vary for sons compared to daughters, but for the most part, the rules for each are similar - understandably, the daughter rules often include some kind rule of violence such as “whatever you do to her, I’ll do to you”.

Like most parents, I love my children dearly.  I want them to have the best experiences and encounters with others possible.  I’ve decided I have only one rule - Be godly.  Can you do that?

When the dating season arrives, can you show up at my door for my daughters, or answer the door for my sons, and be the one who’s first priority is the pursuit of godliness?  That’s truly all I ask.  I figure all else will fall into place if that one thing is correct.  

Guys, do I want you chivalrous? Of course!  Do I want you to respect my daughters…and their parents?  Absolutely!  Do I want you polite and courteous? No doubt!

And girls, should you be gracious and ladylike? Yes, both are beautiful attributes.  Should you be modest? I would think so.  Should you respect yourself? Man, I hope so.

And, while those are all great traits, they are mostly external and can easily be faked…for a time.  Godliness, though?  That’s an inside out thing - a heart thing really.  Godliness comes from a true encounter with Jesus.  It’s the result of a transformation.  Godliness is perspective and God pleasing.  Godliness puts everything else second to a right relationship with him.  Godliness means you are going to be perfect for my children.

If you show up in my kids’ lives with THAT going for you, we’re going to get along fine.  If not, and you hurt one of them?  Lets just say I’m thankful I serve a God of forgiveness - at that point, I just might need a little bit more of it.

I’ll take ‘Kids in the Class’ for a thousand, please…

When I was doing student ministry, I always had that kid who would pre-fill in the blanks of a lesson before or while I was teaching.  I generally found it annoying because that same student would come up to me afterward with a gloating spirit and announce how well they nailed it.  There is always one in a group, right?

My son is now that one, except for the gloating - I won’t let him get away with that.

My son attends Men’s Bible Study with me every Thursday morning.  When he first started attending he saw me trying to fill in the blanks in advance [yes, I’m aware of the irony and hypocrisy of my aforementioned disdain].  Anyway, we pre-fill the blanks together now, which makes it another father-son activity.  We sit down at the table and immediately start to fill in the blanks from a contextual conclusion of the the points while we wait for our pastor to begin and teach us through the outline.  Sometimes we nail it, sometimes we simply have a synonymic difference in the words, and other times we miss it all together.

At first I felt that I was leading him astray by not only letting him distract himself with the game, but outright engaging in competition with him.  After all, I know from experience how that can be a student pastor irritation, but I’ve changed my mind.  I actually encourage it now, and if I’m ever again in the environment where there is that “one”, I might just point it out as an example of learning and critical thinking.

Here’s why:

• First, it means he is reading the outline.  The blanks rest within the main takeaways that are intended for him to not only read, but remember.  He has to read them to fill in the blanks.

• Second, it means he is thinking critically and contextually.  He is using his own knowledge and frame of reference to deduce the possible answers before filling in the blank.  Thinking is always good.

• Third, he is listening and paying attention.  In order to “grade” himself, he has to listen for the answers and either feel a certain amount of credibility, or strikethrough his answers and correct them.  Listening and paying attention is what any presenter wants of his audience.

• Fourth, he is processing the information.  As the answers are revealed, he processes his conclusions with the correct answers contrasting his own reasoning with that of the instruction.  Processing is good because it leads to application, and personal application is what any Bible teacher wants of the listener.

As far as I’m concerned, my kids can be “that kid” from now on.  As long as they don’t become bratty and arrogant about it, they can pre-fill all the answers they want.  Now, if I can just get them to answer in the form of a  ___________ , they will be just like me.

The Thought that Counts

Not long ago my sweet wife slipped up beside me, extended her arm around me, and gently stated that she did not want me to concern myself with trying to get her a valentine’s gift this year. 

Her statement has nothing to do with a lack of desire to receive one, but everything to do with a tighter budget these days.  Since she handles the finances in our home, it is extremely difficult to buy her anything without her knowing.  I have to be a creative opportunist.

It gave me tremendous pleasure to respond by saying too late, baby - I already have.  Her expression of surprise was everything I hoped it would be.  

One of the things I have been trying to do is stay ahead of the game when it comes to seasons of gifting with my wife.  I have a tendency to think of things along the way to give her, and then let whatever day is approaching approach without having acted upon the intentions of my heart.

This year I bought her a card immediately following New Years.  I was strolling solo through a store and saw the cards had just been put out.  My first thought was ‘I’ll catch it later, I've still got plenty of time’.  Fortunately, my next thought was ‘Hey, I’ve got first pickings if I get it now’.

Truth be told, I’m not a fan of cards; at least as a giver anyway.  I never seem to find the card that says exactly what I feel.  Part of that could be from waiting until all that is left are cards “from the both of us” or “to a super 7 year old”.  The rest of the cards are damaged, shuffled out of place, and I’m usually standing there looking with 8 other people in a shopping space made for three.  But that day, with time, urgency and an un-plundered card rack on my side, I found a great card.  It’s just enough cute, not too much flower, a little glitter, and most importantly, the words within are perfect.

My wife’s love language is most certainly gifts, nothing major mind you, but gifts nonetheless.  She loves unexpected little happpies full of thoughtfulness, so while getting the card I went ahead and picked up a few things to go with it; It has all been hidden in my office for weeks now… except the card.  I realized on Friday, February 13th that I couldn’t find it when I began wrapping and packing.

It turns out the card was in my backpack all this time and now it looks like it’s been crammed in the typical junk drawer for the last two years.  It is bent, discolored, missing glitter in spots, and has a stain that appears to be a drop of coffee on one of the corners.  How could I let this happen? Everything else is so perfect and now I have to scavenge through leftover cards on Valentine’s eve... again.  I feel like such a bottom feeder.

As I sat at my desk reading and re-reading the card I finally decided that she will love it anyway.  It's a risk, but if there was ever a moment when the thought counted more, this is it.  My wife likes a great story, and this will be sweet to her.  She’ll like the fact that I bought it so early.  She will be impressed, but not surprised by my creative wrapping job, and when she opens the tattered, coffee stained card in bewilderment, she will appreciate the words within and ultimately include that card with other keepsakes.

We have spent over twenty valentine’s days together, and there is no card on earth that can truly capture how I feel about that or all that she means to me.  She is my one true love - always has been, always will be.  She is my valentine.

Relieved by Love

One of the things I try to do when I visit nursing homes, is take my daughter with me.  I checked Karis out of school early yesterday to go with me because she is the best visiting partner I have ever had.  Her specialty; nursing homes and assisted living centers.

There is no way to fully describe how pleasant she is with the aged.  She makes me the best nursing home minister on the planet just by standing next to me.  She can’t help but smile everywhere she goes, so when she walks in the room, the residents light up with glee.

Besides smiling, she holds hands, hugs necks, lets her face be kissed, and has even prayed with a lady once.  She never hides behind me or outside the room regardless of how scary or gruff someone may seem.  She has never been grossed out by awkward smells or unpleasant sights, and she always takes time in the hallway to speak to the unexpected person sitting lonely in the doorway of their room.  

Never have I seen her so much as flinch when spoken to by someone out of their mind and unintelligible.  Neither has she ever laughed when asked the same question 4 times by Alzheimer patients - she simply takes it all in stride and asks me about the details later.  My seven year old daughter has a ministry gift that sets her apart even at her young age.  It really is impressive.  

Yesterday I watched as she met someone new.  A group of ladies were sitting in the lobby looking out the window when we stopped by.  One of the ladies saw Karis and immediately reached out for her to come close.  She scooped her into her arms holding her tightly like a doll and telling her over and over how much she loved her.

This was probably the most uncomfortable of contexts I have seen my daughter experience.  With shaking hands the lady stroked Karis’ hair and touched her face repeatedly while telling her she loved her - It actually weirded me out a little.  Before letting her go she looked her in the eyes and with an almost begging plea asked Karis if she loved her.  “Do you love me?  Do you love me, too?  Do you love me?” she repeated.  Karis said “yes, I love you” just as matter of fact as she would her own mother.

That woman released her in tremendous relief and with tears in her eyes rested back in her chair telling everyone nearby that that sweet little girl loved her.  Watching my daughter fearlessly bless others the way she did makes me one proud daddy.

As I have reflected upon the experience, two specific things came to mind.  One is that we as parents must sensitize ourselves to the giftedness and uniqueness of our children, and be wise enough to cultivate the richness of the soil for them to grow and thrive.  I believe this is a large part of the responsibility expressed in Proverbs 22:6 which reads “train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it”. 

Secondly, regardless of age, condition, background, or circumstances, we all want to be loved.  I don’t know what that lady’s story is or why she so desperately needed to hear that from Karis yesterday, but I do know what I saw in her face and body language the moment she heard it.  It was peace and rest.

May we all strive to be a blessing to those around us.

Beer, Boogers, and a Boy

“Hey, Karis’ dad!!!  Do you drink beer?  My dad drinks a lot of it!” were the words I first heard from the mouth of one of the first grade boys my daughter knows.  It almost sounded like an invitation.

I have lunch at school with Karis about every two weeks.  During each visit this same kid finds his way to where we are sitting - It’s a miserable experience, truly.  Few children push my buttons the way this little fellow does.  Everything he does irritates me and gets under my skin.  He’s the kind of kid I’m glad is not mine.  Although, if he were mine, I feel confident he would behave quite differently.  

Karis and I don’t sit in the same place each time because there are no assigned seats except the detention table.  I’m a little confused as to why this other kid doesn’t have to sit there instead… at least sometimes.  We could sit at the parents visiting table off to the side, but Karis likes for me to sit with her and her friends.  I’ve discovered I’m a bit of a celebrity with the 1st grade class - that’s fun.

So far I’ve seen this kid pick his nose and show his loot to everybody at the lunch table.  I’ve seen him stick those same boogery fingers in his chocolate pudding to eat it and then pass the container around for others to partake in the common cup of chocolatey delight.  At least he’s sharing, right?!?  I told Karis to never take any food from that kid, just politely decline.

Speaking of polite, he burps all the time.  Not just once or twice, it is a constant process that gets louder and louder to an eventual climactic belch of cataclysmic proportions. These belches are usually in someone’s face followed by his laughter.  I am starting to wonder who his dad is, I have a feeling I am experiencing the “mini-me” version.

This kid uses chocolate milk as the catalyst for his belching show.  Today he got snot on the milk container which  he surprisingly considered gross and caused him to spit milk back out.  It landed in the tray section containing his mac and cheese.  The girl next to him eventually asked him if he was going to eat it and before I could stop her, she had her share of the rich, chocolatey, snotty, cheesy goodness.

I tried to ignore him.  Surely he would stop belching if I ignored the activity, right? Not a chance.  He got louder and louder and then ultimately threw a piece of ham at me.  OKAY, THAT”S IT!!!!! Look here you little punk… 

I’m kidding, I don’t respond to little kids that way.  Besides, the truth is everything he is doing is to gain attention.  Clearly he is starving for it.

I asked Jennifer if she met the belcher the day she had lunch with Karis, but she didn't.  I can’t believe it.  He is there every time I go, loud and obnoxious.  I can’t believe she didn’t experience him.  Then it hit me.  This kid is not starving for just any attention, he is in desperate need for good male attention.  His activities are things he wants me to be impressed with.  His activities are things for which he wants male approval.

I don't know what his story is, but the next time I go I need a strategy.  I plan to figure something out besides sharing a beer with this kid.  Something tells me that is already happening in his life.

My Resolution Revolution Revelation

So far, I have kept the New Year resolutions I made.  It’s January 30, that is a record!

I am especially excited about having kept the one I made to not yell at people.

I don’t yell at everybody, just the people I love the most.  Very few people have actually heard me yell in the way I am referring.  Its a yell of frustration or anger, and is usually in my house or car.  It occurs at times when my own frustration has mounted too high and I have not focussed on dismantling it.  

To be extremely specific, it mostly occurs when I have allowed time to get the best of me and I am yelling for everyone to get in the car or bed.  I can be VERY loud.  Like, causing the sweet little girls (and even boys) in my house to cry, loud.  Scary loud.  Let’s just understand that short of unexpected amnesia, my children will never be able to say “All my life I never heard Dad raise his voice to us”.  Nope, that ship has sailed.  They've heard it.  They probably need a T-shirt to commemorate the experience... or counseling.

It’s easy to say yelling comes with having children, especially as the family gets larger, but it is far more personal than that for me. It is reactionary.  It is also mostly ineffective, and a bit like the dad in “The Croods” - totally mindless.

This year I resolved to approach moments of frustration and anger differently.  I decided to take a mental step back, assess the situation, and keep my voice in check.  It has not been easy.  It has required much personal resolve and even more prayer.

It has come with significant accountability.  My kids know I have made this resolution.  I know they sit and wonder if I am about to pop, but so far, no.  On occasion they will tell me they think I am close and then follow that with an encouragement about the great job I am doing.  Sometimes they even say they would understand if I did yell at them.  I am starting to think they have made a secret challenge out of it for themselves.

What has been amazing to me [besides the fact that I have actually kept my resolution] is that my actions have redirected the actions of our home.  I have discovered that there is less yelling overall in the house by others, and the general intensity in the face of my kids' own conflicts or misbehavior has lessened.  That is incredible!

Actually, it’s proverbial.

• A man of wrath stirs up strife, and one given to anger causes much transgression. - 29:22

• A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. - 15:1

• A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention. - 15:18

• Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare. - 22:24

Children learn what they live, and they will embrace for the themselves the things we simply tolerate.  I want them to learn the right things from me, and modeling is a wonderful teacher.  My kids may never be able to say they haven’t heard me raise my voice at them, but hopefully they will be able to say they remember the year I stopped doing so.  When they do, I hope they shout it as loud as they can.