My Appreciation for My Pastors

There are so many “appreciation” days on the calendar that I have lost count.  A quick internet search reveals an enormous number of “appreciation days”.  Enormous is relative considering there are only 365 assignable days in any given year.  Next year holds the 29th of February.  Is that Leap Year Appreciation Day?  I don’t know, I haven’t checked.

There is Mole Appreciation Day; the animal, not the saboteur.  Weed Appreciation day; the garden nuisance, not the marijuana plant.  I’m sure there is a day for the other as well.  As long as I’m referencing mind-benders, there is Beer Can Appreciation Day - just the can, not the contents, on that day.  Believe it or not, there is Root Canal Appreciation Day, but the last date of that on record was in 2014.  Somebody wised up that that was a stupid day, I guess.  On a related note, there is also Virus Appreciation Day, and it’s still around.

What about people appreciations?  We all know about Administrative Assistant’s Day... and Boss's Day. There’s Mother’s, Father’s, and Grandparent’s days.  I discovered over the last few years there is a Sibling Appreciation Day.  There is also Waiter’s Appreciation Day - isn't that what my gratuity does?  There is Military Spouse Appreciation Day.  Couples Appreciation has a whole month, which I find strange.  I always thought their day was in February.  Speaking of… there is Wife Appreciation Day.  One would think that would be one’s anniversary.  Not so, it has it’s own day.  Here are a few more:

• Building and Code Staff Appreciation Day
• Ancestor Appreciation Day [How do they even know?  What’s the point?]
• Operating Room Nurse Day AND Emergency Room Nurse Day [Apparently neither are to be confused with regular Nurses Day.]
• Love Your Lawyer Day
• Hug Your Boss Day [Okay, so… um… couldn’t this mean lawsuits and such for people? Never mind, my boss is God, right?]

My “under-boss” is my Pastor, and October is Pastor Appreciation Month.  Because I'm also a "pastor", all month long I personally have experienced the thoughtful expressions from folks demonstrating their love and appreciation.  It is a sweet thing.  This has also made me reflect upon how much I appreciate the leadership staff with whom I work.  Dude, they are awesome!  

My Senior Pastor is one of the smartest and spiritually sensitive Pastors I’ve known.  His variety of ministry experience has equipped him for everything we do as a staff and church.  I appreciate that every staff meeting holds not only fantastic pastoral leadership, but also great, workshop style exercises, instruction, and application.  I see in his face his love for us as a team.  I experience first hand his desire to shepherd us himself with intentionality, and teach us to shepherd the flock at large.  His sensitivity to the Holy Spirit is ever present and his resolve to do the work God inspires me to be a better servant and leader myself.

My Discipleship & Missions Pastor has a heart for missions and outreach that is second to none.  I love the passion that flows from his voice as he talks of people being better versions of themselves and a better version of the church.  He communicates well the vision of seeing the church as God sees it.  There is no question that he wants to see the church “be the church”.  He’s also a strategist.  I love that I can walk into his office with an idea, vision, plan, or dream and the first thing he naturally does is see all the ins and outs of it’s realization.  He quickly sees all around a plan and has immediate advice and suggestions.

My Students and Young Adults Pastor is a guy who makes me smile every time I think about his ministry.  I smile because I am a direct recipient of his work.  I watch and experience the way he runs his ministry and am thankful every day for the impact he has on my oldest son.  I watch as students shine with spiritual maturity that clearly comes from a learned submission to the Holy Spirit.  I attribute much of that growth to the impact of his ministry - he sets a good example.  I also love to hear him preach.  Never have I come away confused about his message or unclear about his points.  I also never come away without having had a great laugh.  He’s a natural at wrapping perfectly timed humor in all he does publicly which makes him endeared by all.

Our other team member isn’t technically one of my pastors, but the value she brings to our team is immeasurable.  I see her serve others daily through her ministry.  She is great at mentoring young, fresh minds toward the ministry of what she does in tech, media, and music.  I love that it’s not just a job for her but truly embraced as a ministry that reaches more people for the the Kingdom of God.  She also knows how to pull out all the stops to make everything we do look greater than any of us could do on our own.  I always need a notebook when I talk with her because at any moment a simple discussion about the mundane can turn into a huge creative, brainstorming session.  I speculate she probably brings out the best in ALL of us, but I know she does of me.

Ultimately, we make up a team that functions well together and only gets better doing so.  We laugh together.  We pray together.  We dine together.  We group text together.  We happily work together.  As we continue discovering all the ways our individual cogs turn and interact, we become a squeak-less, well oiled machine.  The synergy we have has long begun to blaze, and is becoming glaringly evident to others.  I am appreciative of every single person on our ministry team and count myself undeservingly blessed to learn from each of them.

On this Pastor Appreciation Month, I could not be more appreciative of a single group of people than I am of these I serve with each week.  They are amazing.  If you haven't got a reason to tell them so, you simply haven’t spent enough time getting to know them, and that is most certainly your loss.

These people are my pastors, my colleagues, and my friends.

I’ll take ‘Kids in the Class’ for a thousand, please…

When I was doing student ministry, I always had that kid who would pre-fill in the blanks of a lesson before or while I was teaching.  I generally found it annoying because that same student would come up to me afterward with a gloating spirit and announce how well they nailed it.  There is always one in a group, right?

My son is now that one, except for the gloating - I won’t let him get away with that.

My son attends Men’s Bible Study with me every Thursday morning.  When he first started attending he saw me trying to fill in the blanks in advance [yes, I’m aware of the irony and hypocrisy of my aforementioned disdain].  Anyway, we pre-fill the blanks together now, which makes it another father-son activity.  We sit down at the table and immediately start to fill in the blanks from a contextual conclusion of the the points while we wait for our pastor to begin and teach us through the outline.  Sometimes we nail it, sometimes we simply have a synonymic difference in the words, and other times we miss it all together.

At first I felt that I was leading him astray by not only letting him distract himself with the game, but outright engaging in competition with him.  After all, I know from experience how that can be a student pastor irritation, but I’ve changed my mind.  I actually encourage it now, and if I’m ever again in the environment where there is that “one”, I might just point it out as an example of learning and critical thinking.

Here’s why:

• First, it means he is reading the outline.  The blanks rest within the main takeaways that are intended for him to not only read, but remember.  He has to read them to fill in the blanks.

• Second, it means he is thinking critically and contextually.  He is using his own knowledge and frame of reference to deduce the possible answers before filling in the blank.  Thinking is always good.

• Third, he is listening and paying attention.  In order to “grade” himself, he has to listen for the answers and either feel a certain amount of credibility, or strikethrough his answers and correct them.  Listening and paying attention is what any presenter wants of his audience.

• Fourth, he is processing the information.  As the answers are revealed, he processes his conclusions with the correct answers contrasting his own reasoning with that of the instruction.  Processing is good because it leads to application, and personal application is what any Bible teacher wants of the listener.

As far as I’m concerned, my kids can be “that kid” from now on.  As long as they don’t become bratty and arrogant about it, they can pre-fill all the answers they want.  Now, if I can just get them to answer in the form of a  ___________ , they will be just like me.

My Resolution Revolution Revelation

So far, I have kept the New Year resolutions I made.  It’s January 30, that is a record!

I am especially excited about having kept the one I made to not yell at people.

I don’t yell at everybody, just the people I love the most.  Very few people have actually heard me yell in the way I am referring.  Its a yell of frustration or anger, and is usually in my house or car.  It occurs at times when my own frustration has mounted too high and I have not focussed on dismantling it.  

To be extremely specific, it mostly occurs when I have allowed time to get the best of me and I am yelling for everyone to get in the car or bed.  I can be VERY loud.  Like, causing the sweet little girls (and even boys) in my house to cry, loud.  Scary loud.  Let’s just understand that short of unexpected amnesia, my children will never be able to say “All my life I never heard Dad raise his voice to us”.  Nope, that ship has sailed.  They've heard it.  They probably need a T-shirt to commemorate the experience... or counseling.

It’s easy to say yelling comes with having children, especially as the family gets larger, but it is far more personal than that for me. It is reactionary.  It is also mostly ineffective, and a bit like the dad in “The Croods” - totally mindless.

This year I resolved to approach moments of frustration and anger differently.  I decided to take a mental step back, assess the situation, and keep my voice in check.  It has not been easy.  It has required much personal resolve and even more prayer.

It has come with significant accountability.  My kids know I have made this resolution.  I know they sit and wonder if I am about to pop, but so far, no.  On occasion they will tell me they think I am close and then follow that with an encouragement about the great job I am doing.  Sometimes they even say they would understand if I did yell at them.  I am starting to think they have made a secret challenge out of it for themselves.

What has been amazing to me [besides the fact that I have actually kept my resolution] is that my actions have redirected the actions of our home.  I have discovered that there is less yelling overall in the house by others, and the general intensity in the face of my kids' own conflicts or misbehavior has lessened.  That is incredible!

Actually, it’s proverbial.

• A man of wrath stirs up strife, and one given to anger causes much transgression. - 29:22

• A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. - 15:1

• A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention. - 15:18

• Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare. - 22:24

Children learn what they live, and they will embrace for the themselves the things we simply tolerate.  I want them to learn the right things from me, and modeling is a wonderful teacher.  My kids may never be able to say they haven’t heard me raise my voice at them, but hopefully they will be able to say they remember the year I stopped doing so.  When they do, I hope they shout it as loud as they can.

Idled by Idolatry

Recently I encountered a moment of deep conviction upon my running life.  It is an interesting thing to me, because it was a conviction about my own idolatry.  That’s right, IDOLATRY.  

In modern times idolatry seems like an almost non-existent practice, yet nothing could be further from the truth.  In days gone by, among tribes in lands most of us never encounter, idolatry consists of people “less enlightened” than ourselves worshiping a fashioned piece of wood, stone, or metal made into the image of some thing, some animal, or maybe of some-one.  For more “civilized” societies, idolatry seems like a silly topic, yet I have heard preachers preach against it most of my life... for that matter, I have preached against the principles of idolatry myself.  We often use sports and money to illustrate idolatry for such sermons.  I never think I’m preaching to myself on this topic.

Idols can be good things in our lives.  Not the idolatry itself, but the objects of it.  My children are good things in my life, they should not be my idol.  My job is a good thing to have, it should not be my idol.  Food is a good thing, it can be an idol.  Likewise, exercise, with all its benefits, can be an idol in our lives.  Anything I place in priority over my God, is an idol.

Strange as it may sound to some of my readers, I believe God wanted me to start running.  I believe the Holy Spirit compelled me to do so.  There is no doubt there were some personal revelations and physical motivators involved (See Weak One on Day 1), but ultimately I believe they were simply measures God used to get my attention to tell me to run. 

One of the surprising discoveries in the process is my personal enjoyment of running.  I really do like running. I know! Who knew!  I like the personal achievement I feel.  I like the stress relief it brings.  I like the physical energy I have gained.  I like the loss of pounds that has occurred.  I like what I have seen along my running routes, the sunrises I have witnessed, the personal praise and prayers to my creator as I reflect.  I like the personal applications I have made in the process.  I like it all.  In fact, after completing the training of my C25K app I immediately downloaded the next app in the series and began running towards the 10K goal.  I was amazed at the progress I was making and excited to not only have hit the 5K goal (3.1 miles), but then to run 5 miles.  Then to run 5 miles again... and again... and then even farther.

The five mile mark is kind of a cool mark to me.  I feel proud of the fact that I can.  I think back to the struggle of reaching a single mile - it was hard to imagine five.  I know there are marathoners and triathletes and tough-mudder runners out there that are doing far more exerting runs, but all of them hit the five mile mark at some point.  Even from the perspective of their accomplishments, I know they haven’t forgotten what it felt like to reach their first five miles. They know how I feel.

But then... God spoke to me again.  I was at the point of being just a 1/2 mile from the 10K mark in my running.  I had about two weeks of training time left on my app.  I had already looked at downloading the half marathon training app the night before.  But God convicted me.  In the quite, cool, sweat dripping, rhythmic, serenity of one of my runs God said “I didn’t tell you to run 10K”.  

Wait!!! What?!?  I chose not to listen.

The next run that week was exhausting. I was having an awful time. I actually ran my fastest time ever to the 5K mark, but then fell apart after that.  Each step seemed grueling.  It was almost like day one all over again.  My side began to hurt.  My legs felt feeble beneath me.  I felt more out of breath than ever and decided to stop and walk back home after having only run 3.5 miles.

Once again in the stillness of what was now a walk home, God spoke to me again and said “I didn’t tell you to run 10K”.

Simple as that.  He cleared me to run 5, NOT 10...but why?  Because of my own idolatry.

You see when I started, I found myself more disciplined spiritually as well.  I found myself less neglecting of time alone with Him.  I would return after a 30 minute run and sit on the patio reflecting, praying, meditating, and reading my bible more (I have an app for that, too).  I would spend the rest of the hour or so tending to my spiritual walk early in the day.  They were sweet, revealing moments indeed, and I was not doing it for any other reason than enrichment and pursuit of God.  I didn’t use the time to pray for my church or prepare sermons.  I didn’t use it to research biblical history or think about leadership strategies.  It was simply me and God having intimate time together and tending to the spiritual needs and counsel of this broken man.  People think ministers find such personal time easy, but that is simply not true for many of us.  It is easier to rationalize our study and prep time as “our time with God”.  Believe me, there is a difference between the two.

When I decided to go on to run 10K that time stopped.  My 10K training took longer.  It consumed more of my time.  It consumed more of my energy.  It consumed more of me altogether.  I was reveling in my accomplishment and leaving the spiritual exercise behind.  I was driven to achieve my goal and something had to go in order to get it done.  Like many of the people to whom I have ministered over the years, in order to achieve what I wanted to do, I let the spiritual discipline go.  It is a classic example of the flesh battling the spirit inside.  

I didn’t want to stop running farther, but I must.  I didn’t want to reduce my time on the run, but I must.  I didn’t want to feel like I am achieving less, but I must.  For now, it is 5K only for me.  Somewhere down the road I expect God will release me to pursue a new distance.  Until then I will perfect the one I have permission to do, and pursue new distances in my time with Him.

Ultimately, idolatry points back to self.  Even when the idols reflect something of greater power than our feeble humanity, it points back to self because it is the idol we have chosen for ourselves.  We have decided that it is our god, and that very act declares that we hold self as god even though we camouflage it with the image of something else.

1 Timothy 4:7-8

Discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness; for bodily discipline is only of little profit, but godliness is profitable for all things, since it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come.

Galatians 5:16-17

But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh. For the flesh sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things that you please.

Why Can't I Just Love My Wife?

Last week was the beginning of my twentieth year of marriage.  I can’t believe how fast time has flown.  I keep thinking about how it feels to approach that life marker with the woman God so clearly revealed to me to be my bride.  It feels like such an accomplishment - I guess it is by today’s standards.  

Back when my two year anniversary came around, I was talking with a young lady my own age about her marriage.  This lady had been married the same amount of time, but was going through a terrible divorce and had experienced a hellish marriage.  I remember thinking that the years I considered the fastest  and happiest two years of my life were what she considered the longest and most painful of hers.  While I was thankful for the blessing of my marriage, I was saddened by the story she shared.

In contrast, my grandparents celebrated over 60 years of marriage to each other - I’m a third of that distance now.  In my time with them, I watched them practice what they preached.  I heard stories of their early years.  I heard them tell me about making ends meet and finding solutions when there were none.  I watched them love each other.  I watched them sacrifice for each other.  I watched them deal with difficult times with their children (and grandchildren).  I watched them in their frustrations.  I watched them in their disappointments.  I watched them in their tragedies.  I watched them lose their firstborn.  I watched them grow old and older together.  I watched one eventually lose the other as death parted them.  I watched them live an example of solidity that shames the generations that have followed.  They were such an example.

Before I was married and in the infancy years of my marriage, I remember distinctive comments made to my wife and me from time to time from other people.  They usually came from people who had been married much longer and were further down the road of life than the two of us - you would think that road would have provided them with more wisdom and encouragement than the words they often shared.

As a fresh couple experiencing the glow of happiness and enjoyment of our time together, I would often hear people say things like 

“You're just engaged right now... just wait, after you get married it’ll all change.” 

“Well, you're still in the honeymoon phase, just wait until you've been married a few more years...”  

“It’s just the two of you now, just wait until a kid enters the picture...”  

It seemed at every stage, there was another down the road scenario that was supposed to hold a sabotaging blow.  Though such comments were often in jest, I hated hearing them. They somehow assumed that the inevitable conclusion of my relationship with my wife would be less satisfying than envisioned.  What kind of encouragement is that?!?  I would try to counter with my own thoughts, convictions, and theories, but I was often dismissed as naive.

It bugged me hearing such things then, but as I look back now, I have an intense disdain for it.  Being married is challenging enough in the best of circumstances without adding to it the suggestion of future misery, mere tolerance, and unpleasantry.  Why can’t I just love my wife?  Why does there have to be some explanation outside of that for my happiness and joy in marriage?  Why does my expression and emotion have to be explained away by the absence of life add-ons like marital devotion, commitment, longevity, and a family?  Are those not some of the very things God cherishes?  Why are those things negatives?  Why are they somehow responsible for robbing love and passion?

I am well on my way down this marital road.  I don’t get such comments like that anymore because as a husband I have knocked the ceiling out of those statements.  

I AM married now - to the woman God set to be my wife.

I HAVE been married for “a few more years” now - I still love her.  I still love to be with her.  I still love to be around her.  I still love to laugh with her.  I still love to see her.  I still miss her when she is gone and l long for her return.

I DO have a kid in the picture - I have 5 kids in the picture.  Incidentally, that’s more in the quiver than any of the people who ever told me “just wait until you have children”.

What now?!?  What ‘cha got oh wise ones?!?

I’ve seen her without make-up --- I’ve seen her first thing in the morning --- I’ve experienced her during mood swings --- I've been on the receiving end of pregnancy hormones.  I imagine I have encountered all the superficial experiences that my “marital sages” of the day offered as future causes for fading sparks.  I love her still.

I’m sure there is a whole new list of “just waits”, but I don’t trust them.  I almost listed a few of them here, but decided it was pointless to do so.  It is not upon those things or circumstances that the foundation of my marriage is built.

I know I probably still sound naive in this, even belligerent, but at least now I have a little experience and personal credibility on the subject.  I have lived out some of what is to come, I have proved forgone conclusions to be false, and I welcome the years ahead, come what may. 

I love my wife. Period.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.

Looking Like A Runner, A Runner Does Not Make

 As I started to run, one of the things I deemed important was to dress the part.  If I’m going to be a runner, I need to LOOK like a runner, right?  I mean, come on! Nobody but the Duggars would run in jeans.

I have gear.  By gear I mean clothes.  By clothes I mean shirts, shorts and shoes.  That’s really all you need, a pair of shoes for running.  You could almost argue a biblical position of running naked by quoting some Hebrews 12 about casting off all that entangles, but that is stretching things a bit.

I have some sport shorts and a couple of those quick-dry work-out shirts.  One of the shirts seems a little small, but I figure when I lose all my gut weight it will fit perfectly to accentuate my anticipated physique.  I guess, to me, it is kind of like that special pair of jeans a woman aims for trying to get into upon reaching her goal weight.

I dressed out in all my gear the first day I ran.  I put on my special moisture drawing skivvies, my best work out shorts...not the tiny, little flappy kind, mind you, but long ones... my shirt, my earbuds plugged in, my shoes, and my work out app.  I felt relatively comfortable and confident that I looked the part.  Looking the part when participating in a new activity is extremely important - especially when trying to hide incompetence.

I was dressed like a runner, but a “runner” I was not.  

This leads me ask, what makes a runner?!?  Is it simply that I run? Is it because I have run for any reason in the past?  If so, then I have run into the ocean.  I ran after a ball in the street.  I’ve even run to the bathroom in a moment of desperation.  Really though, most of my past running has been from bullies in the early years; but all have been times of “running”.

Or maybe running is specifically defined by doing it for its own purpose, and not as a means of sudden travel.  So, is it the frequency?  Is it the consistency over time?  If so, how much time?  And, what if I stop, am I still a runner, or a guy who used to run? I haven’t water skied in a lot of years, but I consider myself a skier.  If I become a guy who used to run, what distinguishes between a guy who used to run and one who simply TRIED to run once?  How is all that measured?  I just don’t know.

I was sitting in a meeting not long ago while attending a Christian conference.  The facilitator was illustrating a point with a running analogy and asked if there were any runners in the room.  I didn’t know whether or not to raise my hand - this was eight and a half weeks into my consistent habit of running.  A couch potato would call me a runner, a marathoner would call me a rookie.  Some of my more candid friends would simply call me insane.

I continue to ponder on this thought of being a runner.  It seems to me that the level of my running does not determine my identity as a runner.  The fact that I run determines this, and I am beginning to recognize myself as a runner.  Ask any seasoned runner when they started running, and they will inevitably refer back to the day they took the first step.  They all have stories of what that was like, how hard or easy it may have been to them, obstacles they faced in the process, unexpected challenges, and the nourishment needed to fuel their efforts, but it started with the first step. 

Additionally, the fact that my body reflects the fruit of my running further confirms I am a runner; the fat trims down, my consumption changes, my endurance and stamina increases, my distance and speed gets farther and faster.  The results are obvious.  The results confirm the reality.  I am a runner, and soon I will run an actual timed race.  That will seal the deal for me.

Regardless of how one might define a “runner”, one thing is certain; my clothes did not make me one.  

Similar is the Christian journey.  So many experiences and encounters along the way prove the truth of our claim.  There are many people who get dressed up in their “religious gear” to mask mediocrity.  We see them at church, sometimes with smiling faces and names on their bibles.  We see them give their offering, not as a reflection of the gift God has given us, but because it is a practical tax write off in the moment, or an emotional tug that could have come from a stranded puppy as much as an imprisoned missionary.  Sometimes we hear them pray with hollow words of repetition that sound eloquent but are black holes of emptiness.  We see them nod at cliches and spiritual snippets that sound good but mean nothing.  They “like” it all, and engage in the appearances, but apply nothing to the working of their own lives.  They are chameleons blending into the environment in which they happen to find themselves.  Like the fig tree Jesus cursed, they bear no fruit in their lives.  They are chaff among the wheat.

Sadly, many probably think they are dressed for success in the Christian race and in the “full armor of God” as mentioned in Ephesians.  Perhaps they think they have upon them a helmet of salvation, but it’s more of a crown of personal glory than anything divine.  Maybe they have a belt, but it is a belt of deception, not of truth.  The breastplate is one of pride and not righteousness.  The feet are shod, not with soft soles of peace, but cleats, under which others find themselves trampled from disunity and criticism.  The shield they bear is not one of true faith, but one of false security rooted in self achievement and personal success.  And the sword?  They are strapped with an empty sheath because the Spirit of God does not exist in their lives.

Christians are known by their fruit.  It isn’t hard to point to fruit in the lives of godly people.  None of us point to the superficial, we point to things that are real.  The evidence is produced from a supernaturally transformed heart.  From death to life we rise.  

• We are not Christian because we dress in Christian morals and principles.
• We are not Christian because we dress ourselves in rituals and rites.
• We are not Christian because we dress ourselves in “righteous” and religious acts.

We are Christian because, and only because, we have been transformed in heart and mind by the supernatural, saving power of God through the work of Jesus Christ.

Matthew 23:27-28

“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs which on the outside appear beautiful, but inside they are full of dead men’s bones and all uncleanness. So you, too, outwardly appear righteous to men, but inwardly you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.

Accountability - Take It, or Leave It?

I have not told many people about my running... 

One of the things about running, for me at this point, is that I MUST finish.  As each day [and now, each week] has been completed, a new sense of accomplishment and resolve has swelled over me.  It has been important for me to do this for reasons far beyond the two listed in my first blog on this topic (Weak One on Day 1).  My realization of things otherwise hidden in the recesses of my soul are being exposed - for some reason, this has been attached to my running.  I’m not sure I will communicate all of it, as some of it is quite personal [ironic considering this blog post discusses accountability].

I haven’t told many people about running until recently when I used it as a sermon illustration.  Until then, I was running early in the morning, sometimes right before light.  I wondered how many of my neighbors might see and ask me about it.  I know most of my neighbors - in a community such as ours, it’s hard not to.  I can easily identify more homes of people I know than homes I don’t along my running route.  Strangely enough, until this past week, no one has said anything to me about it.  I’ve liked it that way, too.  No accountability!!!!

That’s really what my shy secrecy boiled down to, no accountability.  But why?

Well, the obvious answer is the right answer - I didn’t WANT to be held accountable.  After all, what if if I didn’t keep up the activity?  What if I was just going to sudden extremes with an activity that really wasn’t going to stick?  If I told people about it, they might feel compelled to ask me about it.  If I kept it to myself, I didn’t have to deal with facing inability, embarrassment, failure or even quitting.  

This is so much like the Christian walk.  How many of us find ourselves NOT sharing aspects of our growth or commitments or need to improve in areas of our Christian lives because as soon as we do, we know someone might hold us accountable?  We seem to get in this mindset that flying solo in our walk with the Lord is somehow admirable.  A badge of honor, maybe.  I think it is an excuse.  It is an excuse that makes NOT following through easier.  It is easier to NOT race to finish.  It is easier to dip back into our sin of choice or tendency to be complacent.  It is an excuse that allows us a sense of security in an area with no real commitment if we change our minds.  If no one knows we are running to begin with, how can they very well know we have stopped?

It is a challenge to tell another about a personal commitment.  It is a challenge to be so vulnerable.  Vulnerability with others reveals a weakness in us that we assume other people don’t have or understand.  It is a challenge to say to another “look, I know I need to change in an area, and this is how I am attempting to do it”.  It is then also a challenge to face them if we think we are falling short.  

Accountability, real accountability, is always going to be challenging.  It is not to be confused with a group of people sitting in a circle talking about how often and how far they have fallen short and handing out milkshakes to comfort the sense of failure.  Those scenarios just turn into a cauldron of group justification in which everyone marinades.  No! Real accountability is in your face.  It drains the hot-tub of self justification and hands you a towel.  It screams like a coach and reminds you of your goal and desire.  It recognizes frailty without giving in to justify failure.  It builds upon the rubble and rises to the tough occasion of abrasive intervention.

I did tell a few people... very few.  I cautiously told specific people; mostly because I had to for one reason or another, not because I wanted to.  I told a seasoned runner friend because I was curious about shoes and I knew he could advise me in the right direction.  I told a physical therapist friend because I was dealing with some bodily pains and discomfort, and I knew he could help me understand what I was dealing with.  I told trustworthy family members because they are safe people to me, and they will encourage me no matter what.  All in all, what came tumbling back from each of them was nothing but encouragement and knowledge to help me in the process.  Each of them shares a certain commonality with me.  Each of them wants me to succeed.  Each of them is interested in what I’m doing.

That’s how it should be in our journey of faith.  We should be engaging people who are further seasoned in their walk with the Lord to encourage and guide us along the way.  Mature Christians know better than to ridicule a newer Christian’s efforts.  Mature Christians know better how to evaluate, disciple and mentor newer believers.  Mature Christians should be well equipped to help newer ones take steps in areas of commitment, growth, self-discipline, and maturity.  It is through those who have gone before us that we learn that it can be done, and how it is done.  

This is the very thing Paul did with new Christians and churches in the New Testament.  He held them accountable.  He was pretty brassy about it, too, often calling people out by name.  While holding Christians accountable, he strived diligently to be the example to others that they needed. He actually told some to look to him, and others like him, as the example.  In Philippians Paul wrote “Brothers, join in imitating me, and keep your eyes on those who walk according to the example you have in us.”

Most of us are quick to say “don’t look at me as your example, you’ll be disappointed”.  That’s often either false humility or actual truth - either needs to be dealt with.  People desire authenticity from others.  They seek those who they know can help them in specific ways.  People need to be vulnerable with someone trustworthy and reliable.  People are looking to others as examples.  It is the very reason certain people are the first we call in a crisis, or for prayer, for guidance, for confession.  We all know those who, when the moment demands, we call as our go-to in our faith.  They hold us accountable, they tell us what we need - not what we want to hear, and they prove to be legitimate, always.

1 Corinthians 9:26-27

So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.

A Little Box of Soap Today

Yesterday I was listening to a conversation between two men about duck hunting.  Of course, too far into a conversation about such things gets me a little lost.  I usually nod like I know what they are talking about and locations they reference, but usually I don’t.  I did pick up on one statement from one to the other about duck hunting with his son; “If you teach him to do it, you’ll never have to do it for him.”

The other man has been spending the last several years doing just that.  Teaching the skill.  I stood there for a moment thinking about the statement and wondering to myself if there is something to the sport of duck hunting that makes that statement especially significant.  I mean, that makes sense to me when I think of fishing and cleaning your own fish.  Who really wants to spend time cleaning someone else's catch?  But, isn’t that true with any type of game?  who wants to field dress (that’s a term I know) someone else’s deer?  I’ll just have to ask one of my hunting friends when I get the chance.

Anyway, as I stood there I began to think upon the wisdom of the statement when it occurred to me that such a precept is true in all areas of parenting.  I suppose it is the same concept of teaching a man to fish instead of giving him a fish (might as well stay with the sportsman metaphors).

I began to imagine what it would look like if I was still tying my 9 year old’s shoes.  What about when he is 20?  What if I were to still be hand feeding my daughter, as a perfectly heathy and capable little girl when she is 15?  Sounds stupid, I know, but this is the truth in other major developmental stages of parenting.  I know of parents who currently do the homework of their high school students...they literally do the work for them.  Are you kidding me?

I immediately began to think upon the application of this principle in other areas from the most basic tasks on:  Teach him to clean up after himself.  Teach him to manage his money.  Teach him how to relate to others.  Teach him how to think for himself.  Teach him how to exercise common sense.  Teach him how to read and write.  Teach him how to eat with utensils.  

So many dysfunctional parenting relationships have rolled out of childhood and into adulthood because the concept of teaching instead of doing has not been followed beyond the basic skills and into the more complex areas of living.  Too often this reality becomes a terribly enabling relationship between parents and their children, and sometimes the cycle is never broken.  In many cases, adult children still act like children because they have never been taught to be adults.  They have relied on a parent to do things for them instead of learning the skill.  Both suffer the difficult consequences of that arrangement.

I know my readers who have adult children may not agree, or may feel there is nothing to do about it now.  While I’m sure it feels that way, changes can be made; perhaps that is a discussion for another blog.  In the meantime, for my readers who still have younger, impressionable children in their care, be diligent in training them in all things of life and living.  What profit is there in being a champion duck hunter and a worthless husband or father?  

The Bible instructs us to train up our children in the way they should go.  Such instruction is not limited to learning to tie shoes, button coats, or use the correct duck call.  It is a direction of self worth, right living, integrity, and building character.  It is teaching them what it means to be a man or woman.  It is teaching them what it means to follow a godly code of living.  It is teaching them to be well rounded individuals ready for this thing called life and culture.  It is teaching them to be a contributor to family, church, and community... not filling in the void and making excuses for them over and over, and over, and over.....  

1 Corinthians 13:11

When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.

Preacher Friendly

“You can’t have friends in ministry” is what a former pastor of mine once told me. He was adamant on this point and though I still do not completely agree, I understand what he meant.

The people we serve and serve alongside are also the people with whom we strive to build relationships. Unfortunately, [and unexplainably since we are the body of Christ] the local church dynamic seems to sometimes get in the way. Can you really be friends with the preacher? Do you really want to be friends with the preacher? Some do, some don’t, and some are bipolar about it. It is the way of ministry.

I am thankful that although the aforementioned philosophy may be truer than I want, God has granted me with those I can truly call friends through the course of ministry. I have some, not many, with whom I am comfortable to be vulnerable. That feeling is a tremendous thing for a minister. After all, who ministers to the minister? Who preaches to the preacher? It must be those in whom trust and reliance is found.

I love the friends that look me in the eye and call me out on my stupidity. I love the friends who discipline my children as their own and me theirs without fear of misunderstanding - I love those friends.

I love the friends who talk with frailty and welcome advice, who listen intently and respond with love and concern - I love those friends.

I love the friends who share a meal and laughter follows, who aren’t afraid to laugh at themselves. I love the friends who feel right at home in my refrigerator and aren’t afraid to take the last coke or piece of cake - I love those friends.

I love the friends who can lie around and watch a show and don’t feel like an explanation is needed for the dishes in the sink. I love the friends who stretch out in the floor, grab a pillow off the sofa and feel comfortable taking a nap if needed - I love those friends.

I love the friends that hug my neck and say they love me and neither of us thinks it’s weird. They make jokes, they make fun, they make faces, and all of it becomes a lifetime of memories together - I love those friends.

I have been thinking deeply about my appreciation of friends developed over years of experiences and journeys. Those relationships are relationships that have been tested, tried and proven along paths of imperfection. Growth comes through love, accountability, and forgiveness. As time marches on and miles separate people, strong bonds remain and new ones develop.

I hope we all have friends that no matter how far away they move or how much time passes, to come together is like the moments of our closest yesterday with them – I love those friends.