God's Got This

I am afraid.

As I spend time living a new normal in a transitional period of life beyond anything I ever imagined, I find myself very afraid.  I am not supposed to be.  I am not supposed to be afraid of my future.  I am not supposed to be afraid of my circumstances.  I am not supposed to be afraid of anything at all, because as they say, “God’s got this”.  It feels like I’ve said those words a million times, myself… to others.

I reflect.  

As I tumble in the raging current surrounding me, I have said "God's got this" about nine-hundred-ninety-nine-thousand times less.  It’s funny how answers come easy... for someone else. Oh how they quickly spill out.  But, for me... from inside... for myself... not so.

I am still reflecting.

I learn.

"God's got this" is true for whatever we are going through, at any given time.  Those words spoken to us by others are true even if we feel jaded by them.  I am not jaded, by the way; I am a man discovering the easier yoke and lighter burden Jesus is claiming.  I'm learning it the hard way.

I am still learning.   

I long.

I long for more experiences of the evidential truth that God has a hold of what I am going through.  The few times I have said “God’s got this” in my swirling current, have been times of confirmation in response to His revelations, not just advance speculations.  Funny, just yesterday I experienced it again in my most pointed conversations.

I am still longing.

I pray.

I remain afraid, but it’s different.  When "God's got this" it should be different.  As I experience the revelations of God, and discover His responses in the specificity of my praying, I become increasingly frightened - frightened in a reverent, “fear of the Lord”, kind of way.

I am still praying.

I fear.

Since truly "God's got this”, I must guard against the misplacement of my fear.  In fact, my fear belongs to Him too.  Can my fear itself become an idol?  Yes!  And since “the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom”, it proves to be a foolish one.