Yesterday I was listening to a conversation between two men about duck hunting. Of course, too far into a conversation about such things gets me a little lost. I usually nod like I know what they are talking about and locations they reference, but usually I don’t. I did pick up on one statement from one to the other about duck hunting with his son; “If you teach him to do it, you’ll never have to do it for him.”
The other man has been spending the last several years doing just that. Teaching the skill. I stood there for a moment thinking about the statement and wondering to myself if there is something to the sport of duck hunting that makes that statement especially significant. I mean, that makes sense to me when I think of fishing and cleaning your own fish. Who really wants to spend time cleaning someone else's catch? But, isn’t that true with any type of game? who wants to field dress (that’s a term I know) someone else’s deer? I’ll just have to ask one of my hunting friends when I get the chance.
Anyway, as I stood there I began to think upon the wisdom of the statement when it occurred to me that such a precept is true in all areas of parenting. I suppose it is the same concept of teaching a man to fish instead of giving him a fish (might as well stay with the sportsman metaphors).
I began to imagine what it would look like if I was still tying my 9 year old’s shoes. What about when he is 20? What if I were to still be hand feeding my daughter, as a perfectly heathy and capable little girl when she is 15? Sounds stupid, I know, but this is the truth in other major developmental stages of parenting. I know of parents who currently do the homework of their high school students...they literally do the work for them. Are you kidding me?
I immediately began to think upon the application of this principle in other areas from the most basic tasks on: Teach him to clean up after himself. Teach him to manage his money. Teach him how to relate to others. Teach him how to think for himself. Teach him how to exercise common sense. Teach him how to read and write. Teach him how to eat with utensils.
So many dysfunctional parenting relationships have rolled out of childhood and into adulthood because the concept of teaching instead of doing has not been followed beyond the basic skills and into the more complex areas of living. Too often this reality becomes a terribly enabling relationship between parents and their children, and sometimes the cycle is never broken. In many cases, adult children still act like children because they have never been taught to be adults. They have relied on a parent to do things for them instead of learning the skill. Both suffer the difficult consequences of that arrangement.
I know my readers who have adult children may not agree, or may feel there is nothing to do about it now. While I’m sure it feels that way, changes can be made; perhaps that is a discussion for another blog. In the meantime, for my readers who still have younger, impressionable children in their care, be diligent in training them in all things of life and living. What profit is there in being a champion duck hunter and a worthless husband or father?
The Bible instructs us to train up our children in the way they should go. Such instruction is not limited to learning to tie shoes, button coats, or use the correct duck call. It is a direction of self worth, right living, integrity, and building character. It is teaching them what it means to be a man or woman. It is teaching them what it means to follow a godly code of living. It is teaching them to be well rounded individuals ready for this thing called life and culture. It is teaching them to be a contributor to family, church, and community... not filling in the void and making excuses for them over and over, and over, and over.....
1 Corinthians 13:11
When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.
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