I’ll take ‘Kids in the Class’ for a thousand, please…

When I was doing student ministry, I always had that kid who would pre-fill in the blanks of a lesson before or while I was teaching.  I generally found it annoying because that same student would come up to me afterward with a gloating spirit and announce how well they nailed it.  There is always one in a group, right?

My son is now that one, except for the gloating - I won’t let him get away with that.

My son attends Men’s Bible Study with me every Thursday morning.  When he first started attending he saw me trying to fill in the blanks in advance [yes, I’m aware of the irony and hypocrisy of my aforementioned disdain].  Anyway, we pre-fill the blanks together now, which makes it another father-son activity.  We sit down at the table and immediately start to fill in the blanks from a contextual conclusion of the the points while we wait for our pastor to begin and teach us through the outline.  Sometimes we nail it, sometimes we simply have a synonymic difference in the words, and other times we miss it all together.

At first I felt that I was leading him astray by not only letting him distract himself with the game, but outright engaging in competition with him.  After all, I know from experience how that can be a student pastor irritation, but I’ve changed my mind.  I actually encourage it now, and if I’m ever again in the environment where there is that “one”, I might just point it out as an example of learning and critical thinking.

Here’s why:

• First, it means he is reading the outline.  The blanks rest within the main takeaways that are intended for him to not only read, but remember.  He has to read them to fill in the blanks.

• Second, it means he is thinking critically and contextually.  He is using his own knowledge and frame of reference to deduce the possible answers before filling in the blank.  Thinking is always good.

• Third, he is listening and paying attention.  In order to “grade” himself, he has to listen for the answers and either feel a certain amount of credibility, or strikethrough his answers and correct them.  Listening and paying attention is what any presenter wants of his audience.

• Fourth, he is processing the information.  As the answers are revealed, he processes his conclusions with the correct answers contrasting his own reasoning with that of the instruction.  Processing is good because it leads to application, and personal application is what any Bible teacher wants of the listener.

As far as I’m concerned, my kids can be “that kid” from now on.  As long as they don’t become bratty and arrogant about it, they can pre-fill all the answers they want.  Now, if I can just get them to answer in the form of a  ___________ , they will be just like me.

My Resolution Revolution Revelation

So far, I have kept the New Year resolutions I made.  It’s January 30, that is a record!

I am especially excited about having kept the one I made to not yell at people.

I don’t yell at everybody, just the people I love the most.  Very few people have actually heard me yell in the way I am referring.  Its a yell of frustration or anger, and is usually in my house or car.  It occurs at times when my own frustration has mounted too high and I have not focussed on dismantling it.  

To be extremely specific, it mostly occurs when I have allowed time to get the best of me and I am yelling for everyone to get in the car or bed.  I can be VERY loud.  Like, causing the sweet little girls (and even boys) in my house to cry, loud.  Scary loud.  Let’s just understand that short of unexpected amnesia, my children will never be able to say “All my life I never heard Dad raise his voice to us”.  Nope, that ship has sailed.  They've heard it.  They probably need a T-shirt to commemorate the experience... or counseling.

It’s easy to say yelling comes with having children, especially as the family gets larger, but it is far more personal than that for me. It is reactionary.  It is also mostly ineffective, and a bit like the dad in “The Croods” - totally mindless.

This year I resolved to approach moments of frustration and anger differently.  I decided to take a mental step back, assess the situation, and keep my voice in check.  It has not been easy.  It has required much personal resolve and even more prayer.

It has come with significant accountability.  My kids know I have made this resolution.  I know they sit and wonder if I am about to pop, but so far, no.  On occasion they will tell me they think I am close and then follow that with an encouragement about the great job I am doing.  Sometimes they even say they would understand if I did yell at them.  I am starting to think they have made a secret challenge out of it for themselves.

What has been amazing to me [besides the fact that I have actually kept my resolution] is that my actions have redirected the actions of our home.  I have discovered that there is less yelling overall in the house by others, and the general intensity in the face of my kids' own conflicts or misbehavior has lessened.  That is incredible!

Actually, it’s proverbial.

• A man of wrath stirs up strife, and one given to anger causes much transgression. - 29:22

• A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. - 15:1

• A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention. - 15:18

• Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare. - 22:24

Children learn what they live, and they will embrace for the themselves the things we simply tolerate.  I want them to learn the right things from me, and modeling is a wonderful teacher.  My kids may never be able to say they haven’t heard me raise my voice at them, but hopefully they will be able to say they remember the year I stopped doing so.  When they do, I hope they shout it as loud as they can.

There's No Place Like Home, or the People in it... Hopefully.

This has been a good week. I love the time of building relationships with the kids on this trip. Each one of them is so incredibly special and so individual. I love getting to watch them "get it" at just the right moment.

I watch and listen as several of the children in our group share highlights of the experiences without hesitation during church group devotions each night. The answers range from recreation to track times to worship. They seem to like their bible study leaders and staff who run other events in which they participate. It is fun seeing the first time campers get into the whole of it all without realizing it. All their fears and insecurities seem to be swept away in the excitement and newness of their experience.

Don't get me wrong, it has had its moments. I think some type of light has been left on in some form in everyone's room, closet, or a-joining bathroom. We have left my door unlocked or cracked each night to provide reassurance and immediate availability if someone gets scared [of course, Bro. Steve's snoring might scare them even more]. I noticed the relief on a couple of faces about the unlocked door even if they expressed no verbal relief in front of their friends [boys are funny like that].

Then there was the rainstorm that blew through [a couple of them, in fact]. I feel certain one of our boys was thinking of questions to ask just to have reasons to come sit on the bed and make conversation during the thunder. I also had two or three specifically ask me to check the radar on the weather app on my iPad [Of course, each one said they were checking for someone else].

I had one fella begin to cry during a morning quiet time and said he was homesick. We talked about it a little and at one point one of his buddies admitted he was a little homesick, too. I told them it was ok to be a little homesick and we were still going to have a great week anyway [truth is, I was a little homesick myself].

As the week continued, my own son became especially affectionate. He would clasp my arms and drape them over his shoulders and down his chest while standing in line in the cafeteria. He would turn around and hug me a few more times than usual, and would take my hand when we walk from time to time. He wasn't homesick. He was tired, yes, but not exactly homesick. What is interesting is I noticed he was not the only one to demonstrate similar behavior. One of our little girls has taken hold of my arm as we have walked out of worship and clasped my had as our group walked.

One of our boys was standing next to me and reached up to place his hand on the top of my shoulder. I thought he was trying to get my attention, so I looked at him to which he replied "Oh, sorry Brother Todd... I wasn't thinking right. For a minute I was thinking you were my dad standing there."

That's just it, though. They know they need the people that mean the most to them in their lives. What I find interesting is that in the absence of the authentic, at something as simple as a 5 day camp, they seek a substitute - even if unintentionally. I feel like I am a pretty good substitute with their best interest in mind; however, except for one, I am not the authentic person for them.

I can tell them they will be ok during the rainstorm and not to worry, but I'm not their mom.

I can reassure them that nothing will come out of the closet or from under the bed, but, I'm not their dad.

I can hug a neck, hold a hand and be a human play-gym if necessary, and certainly provide my shoulder to lean on, but I'm still just Brother Todd.

Two things are glaringly obvious. First, they need that kind of stability in their lives. All kids do. Really, all people do. That security, that trust, that love is complete reassurance and confidence building. It is also priceless. It is the kind of assurance we ultimately find untainted in our heavenly father.

The second is the issue of the substitute. If our natural inclination is to seek a substitute in the absence of the authentic, what does that mean for us spiritually? When we allow ourselves to move away from God in our spiritual walk, what will then be our substitute? With what will we try to replace God to comfort ourselves? In what will we place our safety and protection during the storms of life? If not God, who's arm will we grab to lead us through the crowd of mayhem and distraction?

Furthermore, what will we teach our children about these things? What are they learning through our examples and leadership? Moms and Dads are the substantial influencers of the home... and dads? We are to be the pastors of our home leading our families and children to the place of total security in God our father. We are their shepherd under God.

It is in our human nature to take measures to fill voids within ourselves, and two or more things will not fill the same void. Moms. Dads. If we don't do the the job to see that the void is filled with the right things, someone or some-thing else will. And there are plenty of people, philosophies, and things waiting to steal the hearts of our children.

Oh... THAT Parent

Ok... I have now lived long enough into adulthood and in the realm of parenting to realize there are times when I don’t just eat, but feast with all the fix-ins upon my own words. I’m discovering that choking them down is actually more embarrassing than bitter most of the time... I imagine the bitterness is removed through the sweetness of experience and, believe it or not, maturity.

I am in the midst of just such a feast - welcome to kids camp cafe.

I cannot begin to count how many times in my ministry I have tried to convince apprehensive parents that their child will be fine their first trip to camp. I have pleaded many cases and made as many different arguments before individual parents to convince, shall we say, extra protective parents that little “Joey” will be fine and should be allowed to go.

I have become “that” parent now - my kid can’t go.

My oldest is now technically eligible to participate in the week long children’s camp that our church attends each year. I say “technically” because he has completed third grade [the grade level at which this camp begins], but because he is a year ahead, grade-to-age, he is younger than his class peers. For this reason, we decided to wait another year before thinking of letting him go. He might not be mature enough is what we decided... unless one of us were attending as well.

Enter “that” parent issue number two - he could go if one of us were going.

Now I have become "that" parent who’s child only goes if one of us go along. The difference with me is that it has not been a conditional factor that I have leveraged over our student minister, just a factor in our decision process. There have been times in my years when I have had to seriously weigh the value of a student getting to go against the value of a particular parent NOT going - it is a tough call sometimes. I’m sure parents from over the years and trips past would say they weren’t leveraging anything over me either. Right.

As it turns out there is desperate need for another male sponsor to go on the upcoming trip to camp with our children. Guess what? It now seems that I am the only one able and willing to go along on the trip.

Enter “that” parent issue number three - now he can go.

Since I am now going, we are going to send him along; but, if he had shown no interest we would not have pushed it. After asking him if he wanted to go he said “sure, sounds fun”.

I brought the information about camp home the other day so we can both be prepared for the week... he has read over the sheet 10 or 20 times and proceeded to inform me of all that he will be doing [as if I am clueless to what his camp will be like]. It makes me laugh a little every time he brings it up. He is so excited.

I think he has memorized the typical daily schedule, and I know he knows what is offered at the camp store and the cost of each item. He has planned what track times he will choose and asked about other details not included in the information. He had Mommy fill out his forms immediately and has reminded me multiple times of the importance of filling out my paperwork and keeps asking me if I’ve done so. At the time of this post, the answer is still “no”, but it is on today's list. Each day since we told him, he has counted down the remaining days and told us he wishes we were leaving on that day - he can’t wait until Monday.

Though I wasn’t really looking forward to the thought of having to go, I am excited to be there for my son’s first camp experience. I’m certain this is the first of many trips together and also a first for me in a different role on the trip.

Now, I am a group sponsor.

Now, I am a sponsor/parent.

Now, I am “that” parent... and that’s ok with me.

I hope the next few posts will be committed to some of our experiences while we are gone. I am truly looking forward to the trip with our group and expect great things.