Rules for Dating My Children

From time to time I see posts and shares on social media with the title “Rules for Dating My Son or daughter”.  I have both sons and daughters and I have scanned such rules as they scroll by.  There are plenty of variations out there to include T-shirts, posters, window stickers, and magnets.  I saw one artistically etched on stained wood, and there is the typical coffee mug option as well.  Shy of seeing the list fashioned in old-school cross-stitch, I think I’ve seen all the presentations available.  

The rules are meant to be pointed and of course humorous.  They include such things as:

• Understand that I don’t like you, and never will.
• More clothes equals more points.
• I don’t mind going back to jail.
• My son is not an ATM.

I've included my personal favorite.

Obviously, rules vary for sons compared to daughters, but for the most part, the rules for each are similar - understandably, the daughter rules often include some kind rule of violence such as “whatever you do to her, I’ll do to you”.

Like most parents, I love my children dearly.  I want them to have the best experiences and encounters with others possible.  I’ve decided I have only one rule - Be godly.  Can you do that?

When the dating season arrives, can you show up at my door for my daughters, or answer the door for my sons, and be the one who’s first priority is the pursuit of godliness?  That’s truly all I ask.  I figure all else will fall into place if that one thing is correct.  

Guys, do I want you chivalrous? Of course!  Do I want you to respect my daughters…and their parents?  Absolutely!  Do I want you polite and courteous? No doubt!

And girls, should you be gracious and ladylike? Yes, both are beautiful attributes.  Should you be modest? I would think so.  Should you respect yourself? Man, I hope so.

And, while those are all great traits, they are mostly external and can easily be faked…for a time.  Godliness, though?  That’s an inside out thing - a heart thing really.  Godliness comes from a true encounter with Jesus.  It’s the result of a transformation.  Godliness is perspective and God pleasing.  Godliness puts everything else second to a right relationship with him.  Godliness means you are going to be perfect for my children.

If you show up in my kids’ lives with THAT going for you, we’re going to get along fine.  If not, and you hurt one of them?  Lets just say I’m thankful I serve a God of forgiveness - at that point, I just might need a little bit more of it.

Relieved by Love

One of the things I try to do when I visit nursing homes, is take my daughter with me.  I checked Karis out of school early yesterday to go with me because she is the best visiting partner I have ever had.  Her specialty; nursing homes and assisted living centers.

There is no way to fully describe how pleasant she is with the aged.  She makes me the best nursing home minister on the planet just by standing next to me.  She can’t help but smile everywhere she goes, so when she walks in the room, the residents light up with glee.

Besides smiling, she holds hands, hugs necks, lets her face be kissed, and has even prayed with a lady once.  She never hides behind me or outside the room regardless of how scary or gruff someone may seem.  She has never been grossed out by awkward smells or unpleasant sights, and she always takes time in the hallway to speak to the unexpected person sitting lonely in the doorway of their room.  

Never have I seen her so much as flinch when spoken to by someone out of their mind and unintelligible.  Neither has she ever laughed when asked the same question 4 times by Alzheimer patients - she simply takes it all in stride and asks me about the details later.  My seven year old daughter has a ministry gift that sets her apart even at her young age.  It really is impressive.  

Yesterday I watched as she met someone new.  A group of ladies were sitting in the lobby looking out the window when we stopped by.  One of the ladies saw Karis and immediately reached out for her to come close.  She scooped her into her arms holding her tightly like a doll and telling her over and over how much she loved her.

This was probably the most uncomfortable of contexts I have seen my daughter experience.  With shaking hands the lady stroked Karis’ hair and touched her face repeatedly while telling her she loved her - It actually weirded me out a little.  Before letting her go she looked her in the eyes and with an almost begging plea asked Karis if she loved her.  “Do you love me?  Do you love me, too?  Do you love me?” she repeated.  Karis said “yes, I love you” just as matter of fact as she would her own mother.

That woman released her in tremendous relief and with tears in her eyes rested back in her chair telling everyone nearby that that sweet little girl loved her.  Watching my daughter fearlessly bless others the way she did makes me one proud daddy.

As I have reflected upon the experience, two specific things came to mind.  One is that we as parents must sensitize ourselves to the giftedness and uniqueness of our children, and be wise enough to cultivate the richness of the soil for them to grow and thrive.  I believe this is a large part of the responsibility expressed in Proverbs 22:6 which reads “train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it”. 

Secondly, regardless of age, condition, background, or circumstances, we all want to be loved.  I don’t know what that lady’s story is or why she so desperately needed to hear that from Karis yesterday, but I do know what I saw in her face and body language the moment she heard it.  It was peace and rest.

May we all strive to be a blessing to those around us.