I’ll take ‘Kids in the Class’ for a thousand, please…

When I was doing student ministry, I always had that kid who would pre-fill in the blanks of a lesson before or while I was teaching.  I generally found it annoying because that same student would come up to me afterward with a gloating spirit and announce how well they nailed it.  There is always one in a group, right?

My son is now that one, except for the gloating - I won’t let him get away with that.

My son attends Men’s Bible Study with me every Thursday morning.  When he first started attending he saw me trying to fill in the blanks in advance [yes, I’m aware of the irony and hypocrisy of my aforementioned disdain].  Anyway, we pre-fill the blanks together now, which makes it another father-son activity.  We sit down at the table and immediately start to fill in the blanks from a contextual conclusion of the the points while we wait for our pastor to begin and teach us through the outline.  Sometimes we nail it, sometimes we simply have a synonymic difference in the words, and other times we miss it all together.

At first I felt that I was leading him astray by not only letting him distract himself with the game, but outright engaging in competition with him.  After all, I know from experience how that can be a student pastor irritation, but I’ve changed my mind.  I actually encourage it now, and if I’m ever again in the environment where there is that “one”, I might just point it out as an example of learning and critical thinking.

Here’s why:

• First, it means he is reading the outline.  The blanks rest within the main takeaways that are intended for him to not only read, but remember.  He has to read them to fill in the blanks.

• Second, it means he is thinking critically and contextually.  He is using his own knowledge and frame of reference to deduce the possible answers before filling in the blank.  Thinking is always good.

• Third, he is listening and paying attention.  In order to “grade” himself, he has to listen for the answers and either feel a certain amount of credibility, or strikethrough his answers and correct them.  Listening and paying attention is what any presenter wants of his audience.

• Fourth, he is processing the information.  As the answers are revealed, he processes his conclusions with the correct answers contrasting his own reasoning with that of the instruction.  Processing is good because it leads to application, and personal application is what any Bible teacher wants of the listener.

As far as I’m concerned, my kids can be “that kid” from now on.  As long as they don’t become bratty and arrogant about it, they can pre-fill all the answers they want.  Now, if I can just get them to answer in the form of a  ___________ , they will be just like me.

The Thought that Counts

Not long ago my sweet wife slipped up beside me, extended her arm around me, and gently stated that she did not want me to concern myself with trying to get her a valentine’s gift this year. 

Her statement has nothing to do with a lack of desire to receive one, but everything to do with a tighter budget these days.  Since she handles the finances in our home, it is extremely difficult to buy her anything without her knowing.  I have to be a creative opportunist.

It gave me tremendous pleasure to respond by saying too late, baby - I already have.  Her expression of surprise was everything I hoped it would be.  

One of the things I have been trying to do is stay ahead of the game when it comes to seasons of gifting with my wife.  I have a tendency to think of things along the way to give her, and then let whatever day is approaching approach without having acted upon the intentions of my heart.

This year I bought her a card immediately following New Years.  I was strolling solo through a store and saw the cards had just been put out.  My first thought was ‘I’ll catch it later, I've still got plenty of time’.  Fortunately, my next thought was ‘Hey, I’ve got first pickings if I get it now’.

Truth be told, I’m not a fan of cards; at least as a giver anyway.  I never seem to find the card that says exactly what I feel.  Part of that could be from waiting until all that is left are cards “from the both of us” or “to a super 7 year old”.  The rest of the cards are damaged, shuffled out of place, and I’m usually standing there looking with 8 other people in a shopping space made for three.  But that day, with time, urgency and an un-plundered card rack on my side, I found a great card.  It’s just enough cute, not too much flower, a little glitter, and most importantly, the words within are perfect.

My wife’s love language is most certainly gifts, nothing major mind you, but gifts nonetheless.  She loves unexpected little happpies full of thoughtfulness, so while getting the card I went ahead and picked up a few things to go with it; It has all been hidden in my office for weeks now… except the card.  I realized on Friday, February 13th that I couldn’t find it when I began wrapping and packing.

It turns out the card was in my backpack all this time and now it looks like it’s been crammed in the typical junk drawer for the last two years.  It is bent, discolored, missing glitter in spots, and has a stain that appears to be a drop of coffee on one of the corners.  How could I let this happen? Everything else is so perfect and now I have to scavenge through leftover cards on Valentine’s eve... again.  I feel like such a bottom feeder.

As I sat at my desk reading and re-reading the card I finally decided that she will love it anyway.  It's a risk, but if there was ever a moment when the thought counted more, this is it.  My wife likes a great story, and this will be sweet to her.  She’ll like the fact that I bought it so early.  She will be impressed, but not surprised by my creative wrapping job, and when she opens the tattered, coffee stained card in bewilderment, she will appreciate the words within and ultimately include that card with other keepsakes.

We have spent over twenty valentine’s days together, and there is no card on earth that can truly capture how I feel about that or all that she means to me.  She is my one true love - always has been, always will be.  She is my valentine.

Relieved by Love

One of the things I try to do when I visit nursing homes, is take my daughter with me.  I checked Karis out of school early yesterday to go with me because she is the best visiting partner I have ever had.  Her specialty; nursing homes and assisted living centers.

There is no way to fully describe how pleasant she is with the aged.  She makes me the best nursing home minister on the planet just by standing next to me.  She can’t help but smile everywhere she goes, so when she walks in the room, the residents light up with glee.

Besides smiling, she holds hands, hugs necks, lets her face be kissed, and has even prayed with a lady once.  She never hides behind me or outside the room regardless of how scary or gruff someone may seem.  She has never been grossed out by awkward smells or unpleasant sights, and she always takes time in the hallway to speak to the unexpected person sitting lonely in the doorway of their room.  

Never have I seen her so much as flinch when spoken to by someone out of their mind and unintelligible.  Neither has she ever laughed when asked the same question 4 times by Alzheimer patients - she simply takes it all in stride and asks me about the details later.  My seven year old daughter has a ministry gift that sets her apart even at her young age.  It really is impressive.  

Yesterday I watched as she met someone new.  A group of ladies were sitting in the lobby looking out the window when we stopped by.  One of the ladies saw Karis and immediately reached out for her to come close.  She scooped her into her arms holding her tightly like a doll and telling her over and over how much she loved her.

This was probably the most uncomfortable of contexts I have seen my daughter experience.  With shaking hands the lady stroked Karis’ hair and touched her face repeatedly while telling her she loved her - It actually weirded me out a little.  Before letting her go she looked her in the eyes and with an almost begging plea asked Karis if she loved her.  “Do you love me?  Do you love me, too?  Do you love me?” she repeated.  Karis said “yes, I love you” just as matter of fact as she would her own mother.

That woman released her in tremendous relief and with tears in her eyes rested back in her chair telling everyone nearby that that sweet little girl loved her.  Watching my daughter fearlessly bless others the way she did makes me one proud daddy.

As I have reflected upon the experience, two specific things came to mind.  One is that we as parents must sensitize ourselves to the giftedness and uniqueness of our children, and be wise enough to cultivate the richness of the soil for them to grow and thrive.  I believe this is a large part of the responsibility expressed in Proverbs 22:6 which reads “train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it”. 

Secondly, regardless of age, condition, background, or circumstances, we all want to be loved.  I don’t know what that lady’s story is or why she so desperately needed to hear that from Karis yesterday, but I do know what I saw in her face and body language the moment she heard it.  It was peace and rest.

May we all strive to be a blessing to those around us.

Beer, Boogers, and a Boy

“Hey, Karis’ dad!!!  Do you drink beer?  My dad drinks a lot of it!” were the words I first heard from the mouth of one of the first grade boys my daughter knows.  It almost sounded like an invitation.

I have lunch at school with Karis about every two weeks.  During each visit this same kid finds his way to where we are sitting - It’s a miserable experience, truly.  Few children push my buttons the way this little fellow does.  Everything he does irritates me and gets under my skin.  He’s the kind of kid I’m glad is not mine.  Although, if he were mine, I feel confident he would behave quite differently.  

Karis and I don’t sit in the same place each time because there are no assigned seats except the detention table.  I’m a little confused as to why this other kid doesn’t have to sit there instead… at least sometimes.  We could sit at the parents visiting table off to the side, but Karis likes for me to sit with her and her friends.  I’ve discovered I’m a bit of a celebrity with the 1st grade class - that’s fun.

So far I’ve seen this kid pick his nose and show his loot to everybody at the lunch table.  I’ve seen him stick those same boogery fingers in his chocolate pudding to eat it and then pass the container around for others to partake in the common cup of chocolatey delight.  At least he’s sharing, right?!?  I told Karis to never take any food from that kid, just politely decline.

Speaking of polite, he burps all the time.  Not just once or twice, it is a constant process that gets louder and louder to an eventual climactic belch of cataclysmic proportions. These belches are usually in someone’s face followed by his laughter.  I am starting to wonder who his dad is, I have a feeling I am experiencing the “mini-me” version.

This kid uses chocolate milk as the catalyst for his belching show.  Today he got snot on the milk container which  he surprisingly considered gross and caused him to spit milk back out.  It landed in the tray section containing his mac and cheese.  The girl next to him eventually asked him if he was going to eat it and before I could stop her, she had her share of the rich, chocolatey, snotty, cheesy goodness.

I tried to ignore him.  Surely he would stop belching if I ignored the activity, right? Not a chance.  He got louder and louder and then ultimately threw a piece of ham at me.  OKAY, THAT”S IT!!!!! Look here you little punk… 

I’m kidding, I don’t respond to little kids that way.  Besides, the truth is everything he is doing is to gain attention.  Clearly he is starving for it.

I asked Jennifer if she met the belcher the day she had lunch with Karis, but she didn't.  I can’t believe it.  He is there every time I go, loud and obnoxious.  I can’t believe she didn’t experience him.  Then it hit me.  This kid is not starving for just any attention, he is in desperate need for good male attention.  His activities are things he wants me to be impressed with.  His activities are things for which he wants male approval.

I don't know what his story is, but the next time I go I need a strategy.  I plan to figure something out besides sharing a beer with this kid.  Something tells me that is already happening in his life.