So far, I have kept the New Year resolutions I made. It’s January 30, that is a record!
I am especially excited about having kept the one I made to not yell at people.
I don’t yell at everybody, just the people I love the most. Very few people have actually heard me yell in the way I am referring. Its a yell of frustration or anger, and is usually in my house or car. It occurs at times when my own frustration has mounted too high and I have not focussed on dismantling it.
To be extremely specific, it mostly occurs when I have allowed time to get the best of me and I am yelling for everyone to get in the car or bed. I can be VERY loud. Like, causing the sweet little girls (and even boys) in my house to cry, loud. Scary loud. Let’s just understand that short of unexpected amnesia, my children will never be able to say “All my life I never heard Dad raise his voice to us”. Nope, that ship has sailed. They've heard it. They probably need a T-shirt to commemorate the experience... or counseling.
It’s easy to say yelling comes with having children, especially as the family gets larger, but it is far more personal than that for me. It is reactionary. It is also mostly ineffective, and a bit like the dad in “The Croods” - totally mindless.
This year I resolved to approach moments of frustration and anger differently. I decided to take a mental step back, assess the situation, and keep my voice in check. It has not been easy. It has required much personal resolve and even more prayer.
It has come with significant accountability. My kids know I have made this resolution. I know they sit and wonder if I am about to pop, but so far, no. On occasion they will tell me they think I am close and then follow that with an encouragement about the great job I am doing. Sometimes they even say they would understand if I did yell at them. I am starting to think they have made a secret challenge out of it for themselves.
What has been amazing to me [besides the fact that I have actually kept my resolution] is that my actions have redirected the actions of our home. I have discovered that there is less yelling overall in the house by others, and the general intensity in the face of my kids' own conflicts or misbehavior has lessened. That is incredible!
Actually, it’s proverbial.
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- A man of wrath stirs up strife, and one given to anger causes much transgression. - 29:22
- A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. - 15:1
- A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention. - 15:18
- Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare. - 22:24
Children learn what they live, and they will embrace for the themselves the things we simply tolerate. I want them to learn the right things from me, and modeling is a wonderful teacher. My kids may never be able to say they haven’t heard me raise my voice at them, but hopefully they will be able to say they remember the year I stopped doing so. When they do, I hope they shout it as loud as they can.
