“Mommy said this is the first day you will have had all five of us by yourself. She said you might need my help today. I’m here for you, Dad.”
These were the words from my thoughtful, incredibly helpful, 9 year old the other day when Jennifer took a much needed day trip by herself to Memphis to spend some birthday money, have her hair done, and visit with her sister.
My first thought was ‘oh, is that what she said?’ with a surface desire to feel offended but a much deeper felt feeling of appreciation for her looking out for me.
My wife works very hard every day of her life to manage the lives of our five children. She would say she has 6 children to deal with, but I don’t like to have that conversation very much. She is amazing.
My wife works very hard every day of her life to manage the lives of our five children. She would say she has 6 children to deal with, but I don’t like to have that conversation very much. She is amazing.
She is also a nurse. And, I don’t mean in the sense that her motherly duties require the occasional first aid efforts in our home, she is an actual RN. She used to work in the critical care unit of Lebonheur Children’s Hospital in Memphis, TN. She has tended to countless children suffering from the worst things you can imagine. She has had to talk with grieving parents. She has celebrated recovery as well as watch children die. She has seen the greatest medical successes and the worst nightmares in families of all walks of life. I’m not sure she could now return to that type of care for children, even if she wanted to.
She hasn’t practiced in an official capacity since after our oldest was born. We decided a long time ago that if/when we had children, our desire was for her to be home with them. We are both thankful that we have been able to stick to the commitment of that decision. I believe our children are better for it. I know such belief is not popular or even appreciated in today’s culture of dual incomes, divorced environments, single parenting and even me-ism, but it has worked and God has blessed us in the process.
Our family is a community developed in the context of relying on God to provide - which he does - and looking out for each other - which we do. It is a constant pursuit requiring discipline and tremendous resolve.
It is for this reason among others that I have no room for personal offense by my wife’s coaching of my son to give me a hand in the approach of that day. I took the liberty of chronicling the day to help me get a glimpse of her daily challenge. It also helped me answer the barrage of questions sure to come with her return at the end of the day. I have posted it in this blog.
Chronicles of Main-ia
5:00-6:00a -
I awake to tend to our 2 month old. Nothing new to me since I sleep heavily, I usually do not stir in the night (and I produce no milk). My “shift” is early in the morning so Jennifer can sleep a little longer.
6:30a -
Breakfast for all who are awake - usually everyone between the ages of 2 and 10. This too is a regular part of my routine for the same reasons listed above. Breakfast in our house may consist of anything from cereal bars out of the pantry to full fledged pancake breakfasts depending on the flow of things and my personal mood. Normally after breakfast I shower, change, and head off to work. I am discovering what an actual hiatus this can be.
8:50a -
This is where everything changed for my day. Jennifer headed out instead of me on this day. She took our oldest with her in order to drop him off for his rescheduled piano lesson. His lessons are 30 minutes and it will be my responsibility to pick him up when he is done. I kissed her bye while feeding addison from the bottled milk supply for the day. All smiles. “Bye Mommy! Have a great Mommy day.”
9:15a -
Addison fell asleep in my arms. I placed her in her carrier to be ready to leave to pick up Cayson from piano. Smart thinking on my part I think.
Sent Karis to put some clothes on. Griffin is going through a phase of sleeping in clothes to be ready for the next day, so he is dressed. Mylan can just go in PJs - I don’t care.
9:35a -
After returning, fed Griffin and Mylan cereal (they slept through earlier breakfast options). Sent Cayson to change clothes for art class that begins in less than 30 minutes. Left Addison in her carrier on the table. Perfect.
9:55a -
Loaded everyone back up in the car for art class. Deliberated the ‘shotgun’ call for my two oldest. I have grown to hate that game and rue the day I introduced it to my children. Even my two year old calls shotgun now and he can’t even ride in the front seat yet.
10:05a -
Back home with two. A nice average I think to myself. I set Mylan up in front of one of his favorite shows (show #1), Dino Dan. Personally, I think that show is stupid, but it is harmless viewing. One child parents have no real appreciation for the simple technique of TV babysitting. I know... that’s bad. True, but bad.
Addison is awake so I lay her in the floor of Mylan’s and Griffin’s room while I start to fix their indoor basketball goal - it needs sand in the base to keep it upright. It occurs to me I should set a reminder for myself to pick the kids up from art so I set the alarm on my phone.
10:15a -
It occurs to me Jennifer is going to ask me later what we did all day so I decide to journal the events, hence the source of these notes.
I talk and coo with Addison and then move her to our bedroom to a safe place on the bed. She doesn’t need a TV show. I checked to make sure the baby monitor is on, grab it and hook it to my pocket and get back to the goal repair. The goal requires me to go outside a bit. Nice.
10:30a -
Still working on the goal (outside) when I hear Mylan through the baby monitor. How sweet. Wait ---- WHAT?!? How did he get in there? Did I leave the door open? Has he now, today of all days, learned to get passed the child proof knob? His show must be over.
I ran upstairs to find Mylan laying on the bed patting Addison on the head. “Hey buddy. What cha doing in here? Let’s go watch a show.” The pocket monitor is squealing with feedback from the transmitter so I turned it off to avoid such hideous noise.
I turned on a new show for Mylan (show #2).
Back out to the back porch to work on the goal. I should really just forget the goal.
10:40-11:00a -
I realized I forgot to turn the pocket monitor back on. After turning it on I hear Addison is crying - oops.
I go back up stairs to get her and walk around the yard with her. She enjoys doing that. We turn the water hose on in the garden and I look around and think about the yard work that needs to be done.
Eventually I set her in her bouncy seat by the back porch so I can continue the stupid goal repair. It gets too hot for her, so I take her back in when I discover Mylan is in the kitchen messing around (His show must be over, man they are short).
He has climbed the child gate, retrieved cereal from the pantry, and poured some on the floor. “Oh... come on buddy... let’s go watch a show.” (Show #3 - I know...I KNOW! Don’t judge me).
11:00a -
I placed Addison in her swing where she is relaxed and going to sleep. I was really trying to avoid sleep in the swing time since we have to go pick up the others from art soon.
11:05a -
I called the doctor about Addison’s gunky eyes we have been treating and haven’t gotten better since the last office visit. Our pediatrician is out today, so I left a message for the nurse to call me back.
Hey! Everyone is quiet. I think I would like some coffee. I prepared a nice, quick, hot cup of coffee - thank you Keurig. Now what should we have for lunch? Something quick, easy, not messy... maybe we won’t eat today.
I stepped on spilled cereal, crushing it beneath my feet which reminds me I still needed to clean it up. I also realized I left the water running in the garden. It’s not a big garden and it floods quickly.
11:20a -
I went back outside to turn off the water and retrieve the repaired basketball goal. While doing so, I missed the call back from the nurse. Seriously? Timing is everything. I called the doctor office back for additional information to learn that she needs a new and different eye drop prescription and they are calling it in.
Hey, there’s Mylan - “I’m on the phone, buddy. How about another show?” Turned on show #4 (THEY ARE REALLY, REALLY SHORT SHOWS, OKAY!!!!!)
Emptied dishwasher and cleaned the kitchen from breakfast.
My sister called - this may take a while.
11:50a-12:15p -
We loaded and picked everyone up from art. At this point, Addison is crying, probably hungry. We went by the pharmacy. I'm thankful for drive-through window service. Addison is still crying... loudly. The lady at the window asked if my baby is crying in the back. Yep! That’s rocket science.
Finally back home to feed everyone, especially Addison - she is screaming by now. Cayson offered to make PB&J sandwiches for everyone. He is awesome.
12:30p -
I finished feeding Addison and laid her down to sleep and sat down to sandwiches. I guess I’ll drink that coffee I made (good thing it is in that insulated cup; it is still hot).
I look at my plate for a minute to see a pitiful concept of a sandwich and then hear my son say: “Daddy, I made your sandwich with the two ends of the loaf, I hope you don’t mind.”
“No son, not at all. Thank you for making me a sandwich.” Cayson is awesome.
1:10p -
It is time for Mylan to nap (TV shows can be exhausting for a kid).
I Begin cleaning up from lunch when my sister called again - this may take a while. She wants us to live closer so our kids can see more of each other. I happen to agree... especially today. Did I mention my sister keeps children in her home. That would be perfect on Daddy duty day.
2:00p -
The kids pool has a small leak in the inflatable part. I found the leak and am thankful for duct tape... it’s pink.
Addison awoke again, so I moved her to the swing. She is happy, and so am I.
Griffin and Karis are pleading to go outside and swim in their pool. They have been waiting for Mylan to go to sleep. We lock him in his room, but he is bad about getting up and going to the window to watch everyone play outside. They have to wait a few minutes.
In the mean time, we applied sunscreen to Griffin and Karis and set up sprinkler in the front yard to water a thirsty ground.
2:30p -
I gathered clothes to wash a load. I’m trying to think of something for dinner, and I’m still drinking on the same cup of coffee. Ridiculous!
I get a text from Jennifer telling me her appointment was changed to 3:45 and checking on the kids. I text back that they’re great, have a good time.
“Wait, 3:45? Her hair appointments take like 4 hours!”
3:00p -
I decided to sit on the patio and watch the kids play for a bit - this is a nice break. Griffin asks me the time then says “Daddy, it is snack time.” Great! so much for the break. Cayson says: “Daddy, I’ll go in and get everyone a snack.” Cayson is awesome.
I cleaned out Mylan’s kiddie pool, Mylan and Addison are still asleep, and Jennifer calls to chat while driving to her appointment. It is good to hear her voice in the middle of a hectic day - note to self.
4:20p -
Mylan and Addison are still asleep, and I am still wondering what to have for dinner. Too bad it’s not half price pizza night. I put off that thought and decide to spray Round Up on the sidewalk cracks to kill the grass.
4:45p -
Addison wakes and needs feeding. She sure is demanding. I get everyone back inside and dried off. “Daddy? What’s for dinner?” I still don’t know.
Mylan wakes up and comes downstairs and we all watch a recorded Wheel of Fortune while I feed Addison (I don’t count this as a show for Mylan). And, I personally hate Wheel of Fortune, but Cayson likes it and Cayson has been a great help.
5:15p -
“Hey everybody! It’s breakfast for dinner tonight.”
“Yay!!!! Dad is great! He can make pancakes?”
“No, we’re not having pancakes. We Don’t have any buttermilk.”
“Can we make biscuits?”
“No, we don’t have any buttermilk. How about eggs, bacon, and toast?”
“Yay!! Bacon!”
“Daddy, can I help?”
“No.”
“Please?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“Because I want to do this quick in case Addison gets restless.”
“Please”
“No”
“Please”
“No... and stop asking.”
“Well, I don’t know what Mommy is having for dinner, but it is probably better than what we are having.”
“Probably so, smart aleck. Would you like a bowl of crickets for dinner? Now get out of here and go pick up your wet clothes.”
5:30p -
I make breakfast for dinner. It was so good... sooo good. Mealtime prayers make me smile “Dear God, please, please, please bring Mommy home safely.” I think we all prayed that same prayer.
6:30p -
We watched a previously recorded show of American Ninja Warrior. My kids love that show. “Dad, you could so do that!” I’m thankful for their delusional optimism, and it reminds me that I need to begin a workout program.
7:15p -
Hey! A text from Mommy - “Stopping at Target, do you need anything?” I’m thinking do they still sell Calgon? Because I probably need that.
We have our family Bible story time, prayer time, and everyone is in bed by 7:30. Yes!
7:30p -
Clean up kitchen from dinner.
7:57p -
Jennifer calls and tells me she is making another stop to look at a purse her sister found. I tell her to be careful.
9:26p -
Jennifer calls to say she is on her way home.
10:00p -
I Get off the phone with Jennifer and whisper a prayer for her safe travel and thankfulness for the great Mommy and wife she is.
I watch a show while looking at recent pictures from our zoo day and catching up on emails as I await her return. What a day indeed.
I really don’t want to forget the feelings of the day because it is so easy to take for granted all that my wife does. She does such a better job than me and I am so thankful for who she is.
Oh... at 11:35 PM my alarm goes off to remind me to pick up the kids from art.
