Missional Discoveries

From the moment I first stepped into the room where I would be leading missionaries in worship to the moment we left and headed home from Ukraine, I committed to embrace and own each moment for its particular worth and experience. I am so thankful to have had the privilege to be a part of such a team and had a hand in such a ministry.

My greatest personal question at the moment is "What do I do with my experience from here?” So many things are swirling through my head and I do not know where to start.

Before going to Ukraine, I had this burning question in my mind about whether God would use this trip to introduce the call to international missions to my life and the lives of my family. I have not had an underlying hunch or notion that this would be the case nor have I been contemplating or wrestling with this as a possibility. I haven’t been sitting and praying for some answer in this regard that I was hoping to discover. I just had the thought “What if suddenly I am blindsided with a new calling in my life?”

It is not a question or quest that bothered me in any way; I am just quite familiar with stories of those who have been called as a result of going in the first place. I even mentioned it to a good friend [who is in fact a missionary] who just smiled in understanding and said "well, you wouldn’t be the first that’s happened to and you wouldn’t be the last either should that be the case”.

I have not been afraid of that possibility in any way, just curious about it. I like to think that I am a willing heart and open to whatever God has for me to do. I do not include myself in the group that immediately excludes themselves of the possibility of service on levels that seem impossible or selfish (I know that is a bit of a strike at some, but if you find offense, perhaps there is need for personal examination and repentance).

I am thankful for the hearts that are not hardened as such. I met a couple while abroad that was not called to missions until later in life… he was 70 when called - quite compelling, if you ask me. My point is, having a truly willing heart is an important thing whether one is called to the mission field or not.

I am certain that being called into the permanent international mission field has not been the purpose of this trip as it pertains to my life. In fact, had I come with that notion and such a bias as the driving force and looked for answers to that question, all of the indications and affirmations point the other way. I have experienced more affirmation of my role and usefulness in the states than in the international mission field as a career missionary.

That being the case, I now ask “what, then, from here?” I am but one among many from eons of Christianity who has taken the time to be involved on a short term level of service. I currently know and have discovered some things about myself personally and would like to share a few:

(1) I know that I could do this again. I could easily go back and could even stay longer. I have the desire to either return to Ukraine or work somewhere else in an international effort. God has wired me in such a way that I roll with the punches easily and am quite adaptable. Mission work such as that of which we were a part is something that has not frustrated me in the least. I would like the opportunity to travel further down this path.

(2) I want to be stretched. This trip was much easier on me physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally than I thought before going. As I walked through unfamiliar streets, rode down bumpy roads, experienced an unfamiliar culture, strived to weave through language barriers, and endured slight inconveniences, I kept wondering how far down this road could I travel. I want to experience more. I want to test my endurance in this. I want to work in a more difficult environment and I want to see to what extent God has wired me for this and explore the impact.

(3) I think God has designed me for people in need of healing. It occurred to me through this effort that there seems to be a theme in my life and the encounters I've had through my ministry - healing. In every church I have served, I have been placed in an environment of injury or sabotage, restoration and recovery. God has used me to establish lost confidence formed by fallen or outright sinful ministers. God has used me with others to help build further trust and dependence upon Him. God has used me to restore faith in the story of the prodigal and God has made successes out of failure through forgiving spirits and reconciled hearts.

My own medical history stands as a testimony of faithfulness, both of God as sovereign and myself as his servant. God used me once again as an encouragement to others as I brought my own life testimony to the missionary table at the conference this week both with missionaries I just met and members of our own team.

Again, I think healing is the theme of my life in so many ways. Perhaps I should explore this further and consider ways in which God may want me to blossom in this area of ministry [however, don’t expect a hand to the forehead and being knocked down on a stage to demonstrate – that’s not how I roll].

(4) I have so much to learn. I am roughly halfway through my expected lifespan and there is so much left to learn. I do not know near the amount of Bible I wish I knew, but I am the only one to remedy that. I spent four days preaching to missionaries who each have the ability to read and study as much or far more than I ever have. I walked into that room extremely afraid and intimidated by my surroundings. Interestingly, the one man I found most intimidating to me was the one with whom I enjoyed the most discussion about the word and found tremendous encouragement. Funny how that happened; I don't get it.

Much of what I don't know is because I have not taken the time to deliberately learn... that needs to change. I may not be able to be like who I want to be, but I can certainly be better than who I am.

(5) I receive great personal satisfaction from investing in others. There is no elaboration to this point; it is simply a reality of who I am and what God created me to be.